


Rewriting the Book

by MonPetitTresor



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A little, Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dimension Travel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Gabriel in the Bunker, Hurt Sam, M/M, Mark of Cain, PTSD, Post-Gadreel, Sam Has Panic Attacks, Sam Remembers Hell, Scared Sam, The Cage, The Darkness - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-12 04:06:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7084975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonPetitTresor/pseuds/MonPetitTresor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sam gets a little too close to stopping Metatron’s plans, the angel decides to use some of his extra juice to get Sam out of his way by sending him to a completely different reality. He never could’ve predicted what Sam might find there – or what he might bring back home with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was only the ghost of a rumor that brought Sam out of the bunker and following down this barely-there trail. However, anymore even the ghost of a rumor was enough to check out. Anything that might give them any sort of lead on any of the problems the Winchester brothers were trying their hardest to solve. Heaven’s gates were closed, Castiel was running on low power, Abaddon was still running free, and Dean seemed to be getting worse and worse with every passing day with that Mark on his arm. Sam would follow up anything that might help him on those.

Rumors about someone who had quite a vast knowledge of angels was why Sam was out today. It was also why he hadn’t tried to involve either Dean or Castiel on this.

Dean… well, hunting with Dean was a bit risky right now. He was too volatile to take on something that might require a more delicate touch. The Mark had too much control over him, no matter what he said otherwise. He was more likely to try and get some answers through his fists and not through words, like Sam would. And it didn’t seem like it would be a smart plan to bring a barely-powered angel out on a hunt for someone who might have vast knowledge of angels and Heaven – enough to be able to help them open Heaven’s gates once more. Granted, it’d be a good idea to have Castiel there just to be able to help confirm or deny some things, to test if this person really was as knowledgeable as rumors claimed, but at the same time Sam didn’t want to get their friend’s hopes up – and he wasn’t quite sure how an angel might react to someone who had that kind of knowledge.

That was why Sam was here alone, staring up at this ramshackle house, hoping that this wasn’t going to turn out into yet another bad lead. Unfortunately, it was starting to look that way.

Sam knocked on the door that looked like it might fall apart underneath his fist. Was this really the home of someone who was supposed to have so much knowledge? It made sense, he guessed. Sort of. If he had that kind of knowledge on angels he wouldn’t exactly make himself easy to find, nor would he be someplace that people might actually look. But he also didn’t think that he’d stay somewhere like this.

Instincts that had been trained over years and years of being a hunter were starting to whisper in the back of his mind that maybe this wasn’t the best idea. Trouble, that part of him whispered. This is trouble. Go!

Sam had just turned away from the door when it started to open.

Light surrounded him and Sam let out a low cry, reacting with the same instincts that had told him to get away. He closed his eyes and threw an arm up to block the light even as he jumped to the side and tried to get away.

Weight pressed in all around him, the very air feeling as if it’d gained mass, and Sam found himself pinned down to the ground. The light was still there, too damn bright, and something was ringing in his ears. _Angel. That’s an angel_.

“You’ve proven to be a lot more of a thorn in my side than I’d expected.” A voice said above him, around him, inside of him. “I think it’s time we took you out of this story and let you play in a new one.”

There was another push on the weight around Sam and then the light flashed brighter than ever. Sam’s scream felt caught in his throat as the world compressed around him like it did in angelic flight, only a thousand times worse.

* * *

There was no finding his feet as Sam landed wherever it was that he’d been dropped. Unprepared for it, he hadn’t had a chance to brace and he landed hard; he hit and just kept going, body crumpling down to the ground and tumbling a few times before his side crashed hard against something and he came to a rather abrupt and painful stop. Immediately Sam curled in on himself and cradled his ribs with one hand, groaning at the ache that he knew would probably turn into a rather spectacular bruise.

He realized almost immediately that he wasn’t alone. No sooner had he curled in than he heard a familiar voice shouting out “What the hell?” The sound of it made Sam’s head pound and he groaned, bringing his other hand up to cover his eyes and try to combat the headache that roared to life. God, he hated angelic travel sometimes! Especially when the angel in question was a giant douche who didn’t give a damn about how the one he was flying was going to land. Considering the voice he’d heard before he flew, it wasn’t all that surprising that his flight and landing were less than gentle.

There was the sound of movement and then suddenly that familiar voice was saying “Holy shit – Sam?”

Sam knew that voice. Even in pain, he knew that voice. “Dean.” The word came out like a croak and Sam had to battle past the headache and a slight swell of nausea just to be able to open his eyes. If Dean were here, it couldn’t be that bad. No matter what else was going on between them being around Dean was safe. He could trust his brother. He could!

Planting his hands on the ground, Sam pushed himself up to a sitting position. He attempted to open his eyes and quickly snapped them shut again when the light stabbed at him like thousands of tiny little needles. Okay, that was a no-go on open eyes. Sam drew in a careful breath, grimacing when his chest and side both throbbed.

When he was sure he wasn’t going to throw up he pushed himself up the rest of the way and then, with his one hand braced on the wall and the other still holding his bruised side, he climbed achingly to his feet. “Dude,” He groaned out, rubbing at his face. “I get why you hate angelic travel. That sucked.” Cautiously, slowly, he blinked his eyes open little by little, until he was sure that the light wasn’t going to kill him anymore. Once his eyes were open all the way, Sam got one look in at his brother – and took note of the fact that he had somehow managed to end up back at the bunker – and he froze. Because that… that wasn’t Dean. Or, not _his_ Dean. He didn’t look…right. Sam looked at his face and it took him a second to place what was different. There were less lines around his eyes. The tension that Sam had gotten used to seeing on Dean all the time wasn’t there anymore. He looked… younger. Younger and more at peace. It made Sam suddenly feel years older than he was.

Dean was looking him over at the same time and Sam could see as his features hardened. His brother took a step back and put his hand towards the back of his pants where Sam knew he always kept a gun. “You’re not my Sam.”

That was an understatement. A bad feeling was settling in Sam’s gut. ‘ _I think it’s time we took you out of this story and let you play in a new one’_. That’s what the voice had said. Sam straightened himself up a little more and tried not to lean so heavily on the wall. “No I’m not.”

Dean’s response was the last thing that Sam had expected. Or, at least, half of it was. “Son of a bitch. Cas! Gabe!”

Gabe? As in... _Gabriel_? Sam’s mouth dropped open. There was no time to wonder or marvel over it, though. One second he was gaping at Dean, who had pulled out his gun and was holding it at the ready, and the next second two angels appeared at Dean’s sides. Castiel and….Gabriel. _Gabriel_. He was here. He was _alive_. Sam’s stomach clenched and he couldn’t move. He could barely breathe. What kind of world had he been tossed into?

The strange thing was, Gabriel seemed to be looking at him with just as much confusion and surprise. “Sammy?”

That voice. Sam knew that voice. He’d heard it so many times. That was the trickster there, the one that he’d been so sure was dead, standing there in front of him alive, and looking at him like he was curious to know what was going on. Amber eyes flickered to Dean and the gun before going back to Sam.

The older Winchester never took his eyes off Sam. He acted like it was no big deal at all to have a dead archangel at his side. “That’s not my Sammy.”

“I’m Sam.” Somehow, Sam managed to blurt those words out past the tightness in his throat. Maybe it was self-preservation. If he didn’t say something, he knew Dean would take matters into his own hands and that was the last thing Sam wanted. Especially if this was what he thought it might be. This Dean, this wasn’t his Dean, and he had no idea how he’d react to things. Better? Worse? “I swear, I am.”

Castiel straightened up and took a step away from Dean’s side. “There is one way to verify this.” He lifted his hand and held out his fingers in a gesture Sam knew well.

His first response was to flinch back from the fingers Castiel extended towards him. His movement, of course, had Dean tensing even more. If this Dean was anything like his back home he was most likely assuming that Sam not wanting to be touched was because he didn’t want to get caught as being _Not Sam_. Surprisingly, it was Gabriel who seemed to see more than that. He moved in front of everyone and put a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and pulled him back while holding his other hand out towards Dean. “Hold up, boys. Relax. He’s human, I can tell you that much, so calm down.”

“You sure about that?” Dean asked, his voice a low growl.

Gabriel arched an eyebrow at him and it was a sight that Sam hadn’t seen for a long, long time, and never with this edge of familiarity to it. “There are a lot of reasons a guy could flinch in a situation like this. Quit being so jumpy.” That said, he turned back to Sam without giving Dean any chance to respond. The way he smiled at Sam was more open and friendly than Sam could ever remember seeing on his face. “We’re not gonna hurt you, kiddo. We just need to take a look and make sure you are who you say you are.”

Years of shit situations had given Sam the ability to think on his feet no matter what else was going on. Hallucinations, people coming back from the dead, good guys turning out to be bad guys, alternate dimensions, or even should-be-dead-but-aren’t archangels. Even as a part of Sam was reeling over all of this, the rest of him was focused on what was going on right in front of him and the offer of ‘help’ that was being extended his way.

“How?” Sam couldn’t quite help the suspicion in his tone. Having an angel say they were going to ‘help’ didn’t mean what it once had. He’d had way too many versions of angelic help over the years to simply trust it on blind faith. Including help from Gabriel.

His suspicion didn’t seem to bother Gabriel at all. “Just a touch, that’s all. No more grace than we’d use for healing.”

That wasn’t bad. Sam could handle that. Then again, he knew what damage could be done with a single touch, and there was no telling who he could trust around here. The little voice in the back of Sam’s head sounded an awful lot like Dean as it reminded him _Trusting anyone in a situation like this is stupid. You’ve got no idea what’s real and what’s not or who’s playing on Meta-douche’s team_. That thought had Sam’s spine stiffening and he had to fight not to take another step back. On the off chance that maybe these guys were actually real, Sam spread his hands out and tried to give them an apologetic look. “No offense but, ah, you’re not the only one with trust issues here.” He looked at Dean and even though it wasn’t _his_ Dean he still gave him a small half smile. “My Dean would kick my ass if he found out I let some strange angel who might or might not actually exist come and touch me with their grace. Especially considering that, where I’m from…” He turned now to look over at Gabriel, “…you’ve been dead for quite a while.”

He watched the brief widening of Gabriel’s eyes before it was hidden behind a shuttered look that showed nothing but a familiar mask of amusement that would’ve looked real if Sam hadn’t caught that brief glimpse before it settled. “Well,” the trickster drawled out. “Good to know where I stand in your world.”

Sam felt just a little bit bad about that. Enough to shrug his shoulders uncomfortably and look away a bit. “Sorry.” There were probably way more tactful ways he could’ve said that. If this Gabriel was really real, hurting him wasn’t exactly something Sam wanted to do. Nor was it in his best interests. He knew exactly how ruthless archangels could get when angry. “I’m not trying to be harsh or upset you guys. It’s just, I mean…” Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face. “If you’re all something conjured up by the one that sent me here, than trusting you is the last thing I need to do. If you’re real, well, trusting angels hasn’t exactly gotten me the best experiences in life. I’m not sure I want to try my luck in some strange place.”

The last part of that had both Gabriel and Dean standing up just a little more at attention. It was Castiel, however, who spoke next. “Who exactly do you believe would have sent you here?”

Sam only hesitated for a moment before deciding there couldn’t be any real harm in answering that. “Metatron.” He was almost positive that’s who that voice belonged to. Besides, right now Metatron was probably the only one with the type of power to do something like this… whatever _this_ was.

“The Scribe?” Gabriel sounded incredulous and he and Castiel both looked stunned, while Dean simply looked confused. The archangel looked over at his brother and then back to Sam. “I thought he’d gone into hiding! What on earth pulled him out of his books and back to the real world?”

It didn’t really surprise Sam that Gabriel had some kind of knowledge of Metatron. It sort of made sense that God’s Messenger would know God’s Scribe.

Memories of the little place they’d found Metatron in had Sam’s lips twisting. He didn’t have great memories of that place. The Trials had been going full swing and he’d been miserable. It wasn’t one of his prouder moments. “Yeah. He was pretty wrapped up in his books when we found him. We were stupid enough to think he’d help. I don’t remember a lot about it. I was… pretty sick at the time. But he saved Kevin for us and we were idiots, we thought that maybe it meant he’d be on our side.” It was just another instance that showed them what happened when they trusted anyone – angels especially.

“Kevin?” Gabriel repeated. He watched Sam carefully, a calculating look in his eyes. “Kevin Tran?”

The sound of his name had Sam wincing and battling back that familiar sick twist of guilt that cramped his insides. “Yeah.”

For a long moment Gabriel just stared at him. The way he was looking left Sam feeling like he was being weighed and judged. Appropriate, really, from the Archangel of Judgment. He watched as Gabriel apparently came to a decision and nodded his head. Then he gestured again towards Dean to back off and then stunned them all completely. “Stand down, Deano. I’m pretty sure I know what we’re dealing with here and it’s not anything you need to shoot. Sorry.”

“What the hell is he, then?” Dean demanded. At the same time he surprised Sam by actually lowering his gun and putting it away. It would appear there was quite a lot more trust between this Dean and Gabriel than there had been between his versions of them.

“Oh, he’s still your brother. Just, not _your_ brother.”

“He is from an alternate timeline.” Castiel supplied. He must’ve caught on to Gabriel’s assumptions, or they’d talked it out with some angel telepathy, because he was relaxing ever so slightly as he gave an explanation that matched with what Sam had been guessing. “There are multiple universes out there, timelines where things have gone differently than our own. This Sam is from one of those. It would explain the energy around him if he has crossed over from his universe to ours.”

Dean looked back and forth between them. “How can you be sure?”

“He knows things that he should not. The only way for him to know them is to either be an angel himself, a prophet, or from a different universe than ours. We would sense the first two. The last is the only logical solution left.”

“I’m sure it’ll make a pretty story,” Gabriel said, bringing the attention in the room back to him. “But I get the feeling it’s one that might take a while. Why don’t we get comfortable first?”


	2. Chapter 2

Sam found himself sitting at the long table in the library just as he’d done countless times with his brother. Only this time, he and Dean weren’t facing one another, working together to figure out something. It wasn’t them against everyone else. This time, Sam was the odd duck out, the one set aside from the others, left alone to explain himself. Sam hadn’t realized just how much it would hurt to no longer be a part of ‘us’. To be placed in the part of ‘them’.

Even stranger was seeing _Gabriel_ as a part of the ‘us’. The fact that the archangel wasn’t just alive – he was _here_ like he belonged here, like he was _always_ here – was something that Sam couldn’t quite get past.

It was something to think about later, though. At the moment Dean was gesturing him down towards a chair and Sam sat slowly, still aching from his hard landing. Everyone seemed to be looking at him as he sat and Sam shifted a little uncomfortably under it. Obviously they were waiting for him to say something. He could feel Castiel’s eyes on him as the seraph sat down. Gabriel was staring as well. Under their gazes, Sam looked around and realized that there was one person noticeably missing. “Where’s the other me?”

“Out.” Dean said simply, standing near Castiel’s chair. His short answer and sharp tone made it clear he wasn’t up for discussing much of anything right now. Dean wanted answers and he was determined to get them.

Sighing, Sam pushed his hair back from his face. Apparently they were just jumping right into this. Fine. He wanted answers as well. This whole thing seemed… _insane_. “I don’t even know where to start. I’m not exactly looking to retell our life.”

“Why don’t we just stick to Metatron right now?” Gabriel suggested, kicking his legs up and putting his feet up on the table. He was seated opposite Sam at the big table. “You seem to think he sent you here but the little guy I remember wouldn’t have the power to do something like that.”

A half laugh slipped past Sam’s lips before he could stop it. “Oh, he’s got the juice now, believe me. Right now I think he’s the _only_ one with the juice to do this.” Lifting a hand, Sam rubbed it over his face. He didn’t have time for this. Right now things were going to shit back home and he needed to be there. Only, if what these guys were saying was true and he was in some alternate universe, than he had no idea how he was going to get back home. He couldn’t count on Dean coming after him. One, his brother probably didn’t even realize he was gone yet. And two, there was no way Dean would be able to cross to another universe. Castiel couldn’t help him with that right now. Would Dean even think to look for him, though? Or would he assume that Sam had finally decided enough was enough and ran away? They hadn’t been close since everything with Gadreel. Would Dean think that Sam had just left him? Worse – would he even bother looking?

Sam’s best bet at getting home was probably going to be the pretty damn powerful being sitting across from him at this table. Only, it looked like they wanted to know what was going on first, and he couldn’t really blame them for that even as he cursed mentally over it.

Sam pushed his hand up from his face and used it to get his hair out of his eyes. “Look, it’s a long story and there’s a lot of it I don’t really want to get into. I’m not sure how much our…worlds…differ. So, bear with me a bit.” Where on earth should he begin? A thump startled him from his thoughts and he looked up to find Dean setting down a glass in front of him, into which he poured some of the scotch that Sam had seen his brother drinking plenty of times in the bunker. The familiar gesture felt comfortable at the same time that it made him ache for that loss of connection with his version of his brother.

He took the glass and downed half of it in one go. It only did a little to ease the ache that was constantly in him anymore. “Right.” Setting the glass back down, he tried to ignore the way that everyone was staring at him. “Metatron, he’s… he’s pretty powerful right now. He used us and he tricked Cas into thinking that he was helping close the gates of Heaven to try and sort of shut Heaven off from Earth, give the angels a chance to sort out their own problems without it continuing to spill out on us.”

“I’m guessing that wasn’t all he wanted.” Gabriel said.

Dean took a seat beside Castiel, his own drink in hand, and the way they sat together told Sam that there were other things that were different about this world as well. He was willing to bet money that right now Dean’s hand was resting on Castiel’s thigh.

He pushed away those thoughts and focused back on the conversation. “Yeah, no. He wanted a bit more than that. Cas said…the first trial called for the heart of a nephilim. Then the bow of a cupid.”

It was obvious by the looks the angels exchanged they knew what this spell was without Sam having to finish it. Castiel looked pained, almost human looking in that moment. Apparently this version of Castiel had more knowledge – because theirs hadn’t recognized the spell. Either that or Gabriel telepathically told him what it was. Either way, Castiel’s look showed clearly he knew where this was going, as did his next words. “And my grace, I’m assuming. That is not just the spell to lock Heaven. That would eject us all.”

“It did.” Sam remembered siting against the Impala in his brother’s arms and watching as it seemed like the very sky began to fall. Lights all around them, shooting down to earth like comets, and Sam had been so sure the world was ending right then and there. He closed his eyes and wished that the story got any easier from there. “We’ve got angels everywhere on earth, none of them really understanding what’s going on, and all the while Metatron’s up in Heaven juiced up with power from the angel tablet, trying to turn himself into a new God. I thought I found a lead that might help us, a witch who it was said knew a lot about angels, but Metatron got there before I did. He apparently decided I’m too much trouble and said he was going to send me to play in a different sandbox for a while.”

There was pain on both Castiel and Gabriel that was easy to see. This was their brothers and sisters that Sam was talking about here. Their whole family, down on earth, locked out of Heaven. Sam had seen how it pained his version of Castiel. He couldn’t imagine how much these two here were hurt by the idea of it. Obviously in their world this hadn’t happened.

It was Dean’s soft voice that summed up the emotion in the room with a simple “Son of a bitch.”

A bitter laugh slid from Sam. “That’s only half of that. While we’ve got him up there, we’ve got angels trying to hunt down Cas on earth, and we’ve got Abaddon running around.” Not to mention the damn Mark.

“ _Abaddon_?” Castiel exclaimed.

Gabriel whistled lowly and shook his head. “Damn, you guys have one hell of a shit storm out there, don’t you?”

That was an understatement. Still, Sam wasn’t going to get into the rest of it. From the sounds of things they’d had it just a bit easier than his world had and he wasn’t going to bog them down with the knowledge that another version of their Sam had screwed up so much. Trying to brush it off, Sam focused instead on what he needed to do. He looked at Gabriel for this next part – if anyone would be able to answer this, it would be him. “Is there any way to send me back?”

“I don’t know.” Gabriel admitted. He shrugged one shoulder and looked almost apologetic. “That’s a lot of juice, kiddo. I mean…maybe. It’d probably be tough. But I might be able to get Mikey to help.”

Every single inch of Sam’s body locked down tight. Michael? As in… _Michael_? His breath caught in his throat and a chill ran down him. Unconsciously, one hand gripped tightly to the glass Dean had given him before and the other was curled around the arm of the chair so strongly it had his knuckles turning white. “M-Michael?” He absolutely hated how the name quivered as it came out. He couldn’t help it, though. “Michael’s still… he’s still alive?”

His panic didn’t go unnoticed. Dean was the first one to move, sitting forward quickly and half reaching out for Sam before he seemed to remember that this wasn’t his Sam, his hand stopping and fingers curling in, though he didn’t pull back entirely. “Sammy?”

“I’m fine.” The words lacked their usual strength. Sam drew in a breath, forced down the creeping tendrils of panic and fear that were trying to climb through him. When he repeated “I’m fine” the words came out sounding a bit stronger and a bit steadier this time. He yanked back the control that he’d worked damn hard to gain over himself and shoved everything else a little further down. Later, when he was safe back home and alone, he could give in to the panic. Right now he had to suck it up and be strong. It took a bit of concentration but he loosened his grip on his glass and forced his other hand to let go of the arm of the chair. Sam very carefully brought both hands to curl around the glass. His gaze was steady when he lifted it back up to the trio, all of whom were watching him very carefully. “I’d rather find a way to do this without Michael if at all possible.”

“He is our best chance.” Castiel said slowly.

Dean, however, was watching Sam’s face with something that Sam thought might’ve been understanding. “I take it you two aren’t all that friendly where you’re from. I know he makes my Sammy uncomfortable.”

Uncomfortable. Yeah, that was one word for it. A corner of Sam’s mouth quirked up and he huffed out a sound that might’ve been a laugh if it hadn’t sounded so bitter. “Yeah, you could say that.” Memories slipped forward and he ruthlessly shoved them back. _No, now’s not the time to think about that. Not now, not ever._ “It’s a nice thought, but I don’t think it’d work anyways. I doubt he’d be all that willing to help a _vlgrva_.” The word slipped out without Sam even thinking about it. It’d been hurled at him often enough in the Cage for him to never forget it.

What he hadn’t anticipated – and maybe should have – was the sharp reactions that this word earned him from the angels. Castiel actually let out a shocked “Sam!” and stared at him with wide eyes and a horrified look. Gabriel, on the other hand, looked pissed. Not angry – straight up pissed. “He called you that?” The archangel hissed. His eyes were glowing and there was a presence around him all of a sudden that made him seem bigger and so much more than he had before. When he leaned forward, the energy that came with him was enough to have Sam wanting to lean back. “My brother actually called you that?”

 _Shit_. Sam’s own eyes were wide as well and he had to fight to keep his mouth from dropping open.

“What the hell is a vulgva?” Dean demanded, horribly mutilating the word in his attempts to repeat it. He was looking at Castiel when he asked it but he swept his eyes over them all to make it clear he wanted an answer from anyone.

There was no way that Sam wanted to answer that question. Even if he knew how to give the description in English, he doubted his words would be able to even do it justice; and even if they could, it wasn’t an explanation that he really relished giving to Dean of all people.

However, he didn’t have to. Castiel beat him to it. “It’s a disgusting word.” The seraph’s mouth was curved down at the corners and there were harsh lines there that only showed when the angel was truly upset. Sharp blue eyes were fixed right on Sam and there was an intensity there that had the young hunter shifting around in his seat. “One that has nothing comparable in the English language. It is a vile thing and one that I cannot believe anyone would ever direct towards you, Sam.”

Things here had to be a hell of a lot more different than Sam realized. Their Sam must’ve been different. The way that these two were so against that word being connected to Sam was proof of that. It was almost...nice, to think that there was a version out there that hadn’t screwed up as much as he had. Sam smiled a little at that. That was one thing he was going to take away from this whole thing whether Metatron had intended him to or not. At least there was a version of him out there that hadn’t been as bad as he was, who had done some things right and who actually managed to be happy. It proved it was possible.

Still smiling a little, Sam shook his head. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it, guys. It’s not really that important. Just chalk it up to differences between our worlds. What _is_ important is that I doubt Michael’s going to be all that willing to help me, even if he’s all right with your Sam. But there’s got to be something here in the library that can help us, right? There’s tons of knowledge and lore in these books. I’m sure one could have something about traveling between universes. We just need to find the right one.”

“Don’t think we’re not going to be revisiting this, Samuel Winchester.” Gabriel said, waving a warning finger at him.

Sam ignored him. He had a lot of practice at that, too. It was almost easy to ignore this archangel in comparison to the others he’d dealt with. “I don’t mean to intrude or mess up the lives you guys have got going on. If you don’t mind, I can try and go through the books as quickly as possible. Maybe I’ll get lucky and get out of your hair before your Sam even comes back from… wherever he is.”

His diversionary tactics didn’t seem to work on Gabriel – who was less pissed off looking than he had been, though his eyes were still glowing a bit – and Dean was glaring some, but Castiel took the change in subject and ran with it, thankfully. “We will call our Sam and advise him to keep away until this has been dealt with. The two of you in the same space could prove disastrous. The universe will not like two of the same souls in one place. Putting you into the same room is something I don’t believe we should risk.”

Sam couldn’t help but think just how strange their lives were. Here he was, sitting in the bunker – a bunker that was in an _alternate reality_ – talking with his brother who wasn’t actually his brother, a seraph who was apparently dating said brother, and an archangel who was supposed to be dead, and somehow Sam wasn’t panicking. Were their lives really so strange anymore that dimension travel had this little effect on him? “Whatever you think is best, Cas.”

* * *

It felt so strange to sit and start delving into research in a bunker that looked exactly like his, yet wasn’t actually home. Even the layout of the books was the same. Sam stood in front of the shelf contemplating which books to grab and marveling at just how alike they were. He could easily navigate his way around the shelves and look for what he needed. Some sections were simple to cut out. Lore on witches, werewolves, vampires – things like that – weren’t going to help with dimension travel.

Sam ran a hand absently over his chest, which was aching just the slightest bit, and furrowed his brow as he stared at the books. A tickle at the back of his throat had him trying to clear it in hopes that it’d go away. Not that it ever really did. Ever since Gadreel had left his body, there’d been changes. Things that Sam hadn’t noticed before because the angel inside had kept them away. He definitely noticed them now. Whatever healing Gadreel had done, whatever healing Castiel had helped with afterwards, some things had been left a little too long. Some scars didn’t seem to want to go away. The damage done to Sam’s lungs was one of those things. They didn’t handle some things as well as they’d used to. A steady diet and some exercise was helping to build things up, as was the inhaler that Sam had discreetly gone to town and gotten from a doctor, but things weren’t perfect yet.

He couldn’t help but grimace when he thought of his inhaler. Hopefully he wouldn’t be here long enough for that to become a problem. The cough that pushed forward didn’t make that seem very likely.

Sam jumped when someone spoke behind him. “You know, I could help with that if you want.”

Spinning around, and battling back a groan as his ribs protested, Sam found that he wasn’t as alone as he’d thought. The others had left him a few minutes ago under the pretense of gathering dinner or something like that. Really, he knew they were going to go talk about him. That was fine. He’d do the same if he were in their shoes.

What he hadn’t expected was for Gabriel to come back alone. Sam arched an eyebrow at him, a curious ‘what the hell’ look on his face. Gabriel leaned back against the wall and gestured towards Sam with one hand. “That cough and whatever else happened from your flight here. Can’t imagine it was all that pretty. I could heal it. Now that, y’know, we’re all working past our trust issues.”

“No.” Sam answered immediately. The thought of grace inside of him made his skin crawl. He shook his head and quickly tried to find his manners, hoping not to offend him. “Thanks, but no.”

Both of Gabriel’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow. You guys trusted me that little where you’re from?”

Oh, hell. Color flooded Sam’s cheeks and his words were almost tripping out of his mouth in his urgency to explain. “It’s not that!” Despite the fact that maybe he should have mistrusted Gabriel, Sam found that he didn’t, not really. The archangel that he knew had died for them. He’d gone up against his brother and given his life so they could get away, and then he’d handed them the information they needed to shut Lucifer away. “I mean, we didn’t really know you all that well, not like you guys do here, but it’s not a trust thing here. It’s just… it’s not something you can heal.”

“Are you kidding me? Hel _lo_ , Archangel here!” One of Gabriel’s hands came up and he swirled his finger in front of his face. “Healings kind of part of the gig, bucko.”

The familiar snark had a hint of a smile touching Sam’s lips. He didn’t back down, though. “Yeah, well, there are some things even you can’t heal. Cas – my version of Cas – said this is about as healed as I’m going to get right now, even with angelic help. Any more will just take time.”

His words had Gabriel’s brows dropping down. Lines formed in his forehead, marring the usually snarky look that Sam was more used to seeing. If the hunter didn’t know better, he’d say that Gabriel was concerned about him. The idea of that just felt odd.

Right as Dean came in, carrying a couple of coffee mugs, Gabriel pushed himself off the wall. His gaze shifted a little and Sam got the impression that Gabriel was doing more than just looking _at_ him. “What happened to you?”

There were so many layers to that question. Sam heard them all and tried not to sigh. He’d wanted to try and avoid answering more questions about his life.

Dean reached Sam’s side by then and held out one of the mugs in his hands. A look inside and a sniff showed Sam that it was just coffee in there. A good thing, really. Coffee seemed to help ease his breathing a little sometimes when the issues in his lungs flared up. He took the cup and smiled gratefully at him before taking a small sip. Then he looked back at Gabriel, who was still waiting for an answer. “Is it really important? I mean, it won’t help me get out of your hair any quicker.”

“It is if you want me doing anything to help send you back.” Gabriel shot back. He smirked at Sam’s dumbfounded look and then shrugged one shoulder, arms crossed over his chest. “What? Anything we do to get your ass back home is gonna take a lot of power, kiddo. If there’s something in you that archangel grace can’t heal, that’s bad mojo, an I wanna know what to look out for before I pour any of myself on in there or try any sort of spells. I’m not looking to get us killed over your secrets.”

That – actually made sense. Sam thought about it and took another sip of his coffee in the hopes of quelling the cough that was still trying to build. From a logical standpoint he had to admit that Gabriel’s words did make sense. And, really, it wasn’t that big of a deal to share this with them, right? In the scheme of things it wasn’t like this was a secret. Even if this ended up being a construct of some kind, a fake world instead of an alternate reality, it wasn’t like Sam’s participation in the Trials was any sort of secret.

Trying to ignore Dean beside him, Sam focused on Gabriel and decided that simple and blunt was probably the best way to do this. “I did the Demon Trials.” He saw Gabriel’s mouth actually drop open and chuckled at the novelty of shocking the Trickster. “I was on the last step to healing Crowley when Dean stopped me.”

“How in Dad’s name are you still alive?” Gabriel demanded.

Sam tried not to grimace. The rest of the information had been easy to give. That part, not so much. It wasn’t something Sam wanted to talk about. But he couldn’t gloss over it completely. Instead, he opted for a little edited truth. “Winchester luck?” He tried, grinning a little. When Gabriel just kept staring, Sam sighed. “Dean got me some angelic help since Cas was out of commission at the time. They healed me, but, well, our best guess was that they couldn’t heal all of it. Cas thinks some of the damage was just a bit too deep. It’s nothing serious, just some scarring on my lungs.” At least so far as he knew.

Some things about this world and his own world were quite different and yet Sam was realizing that some things were the same. Like Dean’s protectiveness for his little brother – even if it wasn’t actually _his_ little brother. “What the hell are these trials?” Dean demanded, looking protective and pissed off, a combination Sam was very familiar with. “An where was I when you were doing this?”

“You were right there with me.” Sam said. He smiled, turning to look at Dean. It was so much easier to smile at this version of his brother. He reminded Sam so much of his Dean from years and years ago. “You were going to do it, but I managed to start it first and you didn’t really get a choice after that. Not that I was complaining. I didn’t want you doing it to begin with. It was too dangerous.”

“I’m the big brother, Sammy, it’s my job to do the dangerous shit.” Dean pointed out.

“Not anymore.” Sam quipped. It only took him a second to realize his mistake; this wasn’t his Dean and it obviously wasn’t a joke this Dean got if the confusion on his face was anything to go by. Before Dean could ask, Sam held his hands up and waved them a little. “Sorry. Inside joke, I guess you’d call it. The point is, I’m fine,” He turned back to look at Gabriel, who had recovered from his shock and was staring intently at Sam once more. “This isn’t something you can heal, but it shouldn’t affect anything we have to do. All right?”

Gabriel watched him with that heavy look in his eyes that all angels had. It was one that left Sam feeling like the being was seeing things about him on one else had seen. Usually, it left him feeling judged as well, found not worthy. Oddly enough he didn’t get that sensation from Gabriel’s look. He just felt, exposed, and just a little uncomfortable. “There’s a whole shit load you’re not telling us.”

The smile Sam gave was bright and just a bit amused. “Of course there is.” His grin grew a little and he chuckled just a bit before taking another drink off his coffee. “You really think I’m just gonna tell you everything?”

“Yeah, cause secrets have gotten us so far in the past.” Dean said dryly.

Instead of flinching over it, Sam shrugged one shoulder. “True. But, while you may be Dean, you’re not _my_ Dean, and like I said earlier, he’d kick my ass for trusting you guys and telling you everything. I’m sorry if you don’t like it but that’s how it’s gotta be. It’s not just myself I’m looking out for here.” Pausing, he let the humor bleed from his face and looked at them both seriously. “If that’s a problem, or if you don’t trust having me here, I can find somewhere else to go.”

That drew a snort from Gabriel and a scowl from Dean. “Where else you gonna go?” Dean asked, sounding gruff in that way Sam knew meant he was uncomfortable with whatever feelings he had going on inside. “Like or not, we’re you’re best shot. I’m sure we can manage to work together for the time it takes to get you back home. Hopefully before the other me rips a hole in the universe or something to try and get you back.”

A small pang echoed through Sam at that. _Does my Dean even realize yet that I’m gone? Does he think I just ran off?_ Pushing that down, he forced himself to wear the smile he’d learned how to fake at his brother’s knee. “Let’s get to work.”

* * *

Looking through the books that the Men of Letters had on dimension travel wasn’t exactly easy. Most of them weren’t out in the main library and Dean had no real idea about the cataloguing system for the rest of the place. That meant that Sam spent an awful lot of time just hunting down the books that he needed to look at – with someone ‘escorting’ him every step of the way.

By the time they finally had everything they might need on the table, naturally Dean declared that they should go to bed and start in the morning. “Best to look at it with fresh eyes, Sammy.”

“We haven’t even done anything yet.” Sam protested.

Dean tossed the book he held back onto the stack. “Dude, you dimension traveled today, crashed into our floor, smashed against a wall, and you won’t let an angel heal you. Don’t think I haven’t heard that little whistle in your breathing, either. You’re sore, tired, and if you’re anything like my Sam I’d lay down money that you’re getting sick, too. There’s not a damn thing you can do tonight except make yourself worse. Now, get up an I’ll show you where you’re staying.” Without another word, Dean turned and walked away, fully believing that Sam was going to follow him.

Surprisingly enough, he did.

It was sort of habit to follow directions when Dean spoke in that tone. It didn’t matter that Sam was an adult or that he’d been taking care of himself for a long time now. It didn’t matter that he and Dean back home were still sort of shaky. None of that mattered. The instinct to listen to that firm tone and follow it had been ingrained in Sam from a young age and only further cemented as he got older.

He figured out pretty quickly where Dean was taking him. The guest rooms sat in a different hall than the one that their personal rooms were in. Strange as it was to go to a room here that wasn’t his, Sam had to remind himself that the other room wasn’t his either. It belonged to the other Sam. _This is going to get beyond confusing. I need to get back home, fast._

There was an awkward moment at the door where Sam had to take his things and the two men looked at one another in obvious discomfort. Sam was the one to break it, saying a stilted “Night” that Dean echoed. Then Sam was inside the room and the door was shut and Sam let his shoulders droop just the slightest bit. He didn’t relax – not yet. There was one more thing he had to do before he could do that.

Years of staying in motel rooms and having to secure them before bed had Sam moving on autopilot now. He found a pen in the desk and set about warding his room as discreetly as possible. It didn’t matter that they were in the bunker – one of the most warded places to exist – he still put his wards up. They kept the room as safe and secure as possible and prevented anyone from even looking in without his permission, let alone entering. He made sure to add on the ones necessary for that just to make sure that no one might get a chance at whatever dreams might crop up tonight. Ever since Gadreel, Sam hadn’t been sleeping all that well.

Once he was sure the room was secure, he locked the door and then stripped himself down to his boxers. Despite his protests, he _was_ tired, and he knew sleep was a good plan. Especially if he wanted to be able to function at all tomorrow.

Sam lowered his aching body down into the bed with a sigh. He ignored the bruises just like he did after any hunt. One arm came up to rest behind his head and the other arm draped gently over his stomach.

For the longest time Sam lay there, worrying and wondering about the things back home. About his brother, Metatron, Cas, the angels, the Mark.

All those thoughts were still chasing one another in circles through his head when he finally drifted off into a fitful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Sleep didn’t come easy to Sam. It hadn’t, really, for a long time. The Trials had dredged up a lot of memories in his head, it seemed. Maybe just being so sick had left his walls down low. Whatever it was, quite a bit of the past had started to creep in then. While Gadreel had been in him, those had stopped, though he hadn’t realized that it was because he had an angel in him. But once Gadreel had been evicted, the nightmares had come back with a vengeance. It wasn’t uncommon for Sam to wake up in the middle of the night or early hours of the morning with a gasp or shivering from the leftover sensation of Lucifer’s grace, one that he’d never been entirely able to chase away.

This morning was no exception. Sam woke up freezing and shivering from the dreams of the Cage. Waking up in a room that definitely wasn’t his – and without his brother’s presence nearby to help soothe him back down – just made it worse. There was absolutely no way that Sam was going to be able to go back to sleep after this.

He grimaced as he pulled back on his pants from yesterday. Not clean but, well, he’d worn worse. At least he was clothed.

Once he had them on he made his way out of the room he was in and set off towards the kitchen. There was no one up and no one to bother him as he went through the familiar motions of making a pot of coffee. Everything here was in pretty much the same place as they were in his reality, so that made it easy. There was a bit more food in here than he was used to seeing. He and Dean were kind of bad at keeping groceries in their place. Dean was all right at feeding them, so long as they had the food there. He had really nested in the bunker. But they didn’t often remember to go grocery shopping until they were pretty much out of food.

 _Must be the benefit of having an archangel around who can snap up anything for himself,_ Sam thought as he grabbed an apple off the counter.

That was so strange to think of. Seeing Gabriel – Sam didn’t have the words for it. He’d always sort of enjoyed the trickster archangel. Even after everything Gabriel had done to him, Sam had still enjoyed him in a sense. He could understand and appreciate the lesson that Gabriel had been trying to teach him back then. Though he had a feeling Gabriel thought that his lesson hadn’t sunk in. It had. It really had. But what Gabriel didn’t understand was that it didn’t matter. Even though Sam had known that he was going down a dark road, that he was turning himself into someone he shouldn’t, he hadn’t been able to stop it. No matter what he’d had to try to save his brother. He couldn’t ‘just let go’ as Gabriel had wanted him to do.

Still, Sam appreciated that he’d tried. That he’d cared enough to try. And in the end he had saved them. He’d sacrificed his life to save them. To Sam, that made them even. That wiped the slate clean.

But that was the Gabriel of _his_ universe. This Gabriel, this wasn’t the one that Sam knew. This one seemed a little softer. A little friendlier. Sam wasn’t sure how to react to that. Was it just that life since the apocalypse had helped to soften those edges on him? Or had their Gabriel here always been a little bit softer than the one Sam had known?

Sam hadn’t really come up with any answer by the time he finished his apple. Pushing it all to the back of his mind, Sam threw the apple core in the garbage, served up a cup of the just finished coffee, and then made his way out to the library. If he was going to be up he might as well make a start on the stack of books they’d prepared yesterday. The sooner he got home, the better.

Sam was so caught up in his thoughts, he missed the presence of the being at the table until Gabriel spoke, that familiar and yet strange voice jerking him out of his thoughts. “Well aren’t you up early.” Gabriel said. He was seated at the table, his own mug in his hands and his feet kicked up, a book open on his lap. He was smiling up at Sam without any of the snark that Sam was used to seeing there. A corner of his mouth quirked up and his eyes ran over Sam from head to toe. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“Something like that.” Sam answered vaguely. No need to tell him about the nightmares. If he did that, the archangel would most likely want him to actually talk about them, and Sam was hoping to avoid giving everyone more details about his life. There were just some things they didn’t need to know.

Gabriel watched him as Sam sank down into the chair across from him. The stacks of books they’d found yesterday were spread out on the table between them and Sam leaned forward to grab one. As he did, he heard a snap followed almost immediately by the sensation of something shifting against his body. When he looked down he was surprised to see that his clothes were magically clean. His body felt cleaner, too.

As much as the use of grace felt strange to him, and just a tiny bit terrifying, he swallowed down his protests and forced himself to look up and smile. “Thank you.” That had been something nice, even if he hadn’t bothered _asking_.

He got a smirk in return. “You stank.”

Ah. That made a bit more sense than just Gabriel being nice. Sam relaxed just the slightest bit. “Wouldn’t want to offend your delicate sensibilities.”

“Damn right.”

Sam laughed and gave a small shake of his head. He kept his cup in one hand, absorbing the warmth, while he laid his chosen book out on the table. “I figured if I couldn’t sleep, I might as well do some research. You found anything yet?”

He knew even before Gabriel shook his head what the answer would be. “Nothing so far. Doesn’t seem like the Men of Letters have any record of something like this happening before.”

“I didn’t think it’d be all that common.” Sam admitted. “I mean, if it was, you of all beings would be one to know. If you don’t know the answer, I imagine we won’t find it all that easily in here, either.” It was going to take some research. Luckily, that’s what Sam was good at.

His words had Gabriel’s smile growing into a grin. “Boy, you know how to flatter a girl, Winchester. Good to see this version of you has the same smooth tongue.”

Sam felt himself flushing. He ducked his head and chose to ignore Gabriel’s low chuckles. Instead, he focused on the book in front of him.

Neither man spoke for a little while. Sam got mostly through his book – and had found nothing – before Gabriel broke the silence again. It was honestly longer than Sam had thought he would last. “So, I gotta say you’re handling this whole dimension travel thing pretty well.”

Amusement tugged a reluctant smile to Sam’s lips. He looked up from his book, drawing his cup into both hands to help warm them where they were still a bit cold. He wasn’t as cold as he’d been when he’d first woke up, but he still wasn’t quite warm enough. It was easier to focus on conversation with Gabriel than the memories of flames and ice that licked at the back of his mind. “It’s not the weirdest thing that’s happened to us.” Sam said, shrugging one shoulder. He lifted his mug and took a drink. Honestly, he knew he was probably more relaxed about this than most might be. Even Dean. He would’ve been growling and snapping and so distrustful of everything and everyone that he probably wouldn’t have been able to get anything done. Hell, the instant he saw Gabriel he would’ve screwed over his chances of going home, because Sam had no doubt Dean would’ve tried to stake the archangel, or pissed him off enough for Gabriel to do something drastic.

“Ooh, there are stories in that, Sasquatch.” Gabriel dropped his feet to the ground and sat forward so that his elbows rested on the table and his cup was held right in front of him. Overtop his cup, he wiggled his eyebrows. “Do share. What could possibly be weirder than dimension travel?”

Sam raised his eyebrows and gave the trickster a dry look. “Being turned into a car.”

As he’d expected, that drew a laugh out of Gabriel. “Touché, kiddo.”

So that, at least, was the same. Sam hadn’t been sure. He smiled at the being across from him, startled to realize just how at ease he felt here. Why on earth was Gabriel so relaxing to be around? Adding that to the list of things he was going to think about much later, preferably once he was back home, Sam focused back on their conversation. “Really, though. After you’ve been to Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, tossed in TV Land, lived a Djinn dream, traveled back in time...” The list went on and on. Sam just grinned and shrugged again. “Dimension travel seems a bit tame.”

“I think I know most of those.” Gabriel said. Then he lowered his cup and, while his expression stayed open, his eyes sharpened just the slightest bit. “But why on Dad’s green earth were you in _Purgatory?_ ”

“It was the easiest way to get to Hell.” Sam said, shrugging. “We had a reaper take me there.”

“You willingly went to Hell?”

“It was one of the trials. To get a soul from Hell and return it to Heaven.”

Gabriel gave a shake of his head. “Look at what you bozos get up to without me. I still can’t believe you were stupid enough to do the Trials.”

“Pass up a chance to close the gates of Hell?” Sam snorted.

“Yeah, and look where it got you.” Gabriel gestured towards Sam with one hand. “You’re still here, so I’m guessing the gates are still open.”

That had Sam sitting back, his mouth twisting a little like he’d tasted something foul. That little tidbit was still a bitter pill for him to swallow. If it’d been up to him, the gates would be closed right now. It had been what he’d wanted. Even if it had cost him his life. He’d been willing to pay that price.

He knew Gabriel probably saw a whole lot more in his expression than Sam wanted him to. To try and distract from it, he tried to bring the conversation back under control again. “Do you really think we’re going to find anything to help in these books? Anything that might send me home?”

For a moment it didn’t look as if Gabriel was going to let him get away with the subject change. Then his expression cleared and shifted into the more mocking one that Sam knew and was familiar with. One he was much more comfortable with. “Who knows? It’s our best shot, so long as you’re still insisting on not wanting Mikey’s help...”

“No.” Sam said flatly. If he never had to see Michael again, it would still be too soon.

“Then, like I said, these books are our best shot. Who knows, we might come across some kind of spell or something? Push comes to shove, I could go ask a few old contacts, see if there’s anything on the pagan side that might be able to give us a bit of extra oomph. That is, unless you don’t want their help either.” He arched an eyebrow and shot Sam a look that just dared him to argue it.

Sam could tell he surprised the archangel when he shrugged. “So long as you trust what they’d do.”

Eyebrows climbing almost to his hairline, Gabriel stared at Sam. Then he let out a low, long whistle. “Damn. My brother must’ve really pissed you off if you’d rather pagan help than his.”

“At least they’re honest about their dislike of hunters. They don’t pretend to be helpful before they screw you over.”

Sam knew a bit of his bitterness towards angels seeped into his words. He couldn’t quite help it. Luckily he was saved from the questions he could practically see forming on Gabriel’s lips. The sound of footsteps sounded nearby just moments before Dean came strolling into the room, Castiel right on his heels. Dean took one look at them and cocked an eyebrow. “Dude, you guys are up way too early.”

“Not everyone sleeps sweet in the arms of love, Dean Machine.” Gabriel shot back, grinning and giving a wiggle of his eyebrows that made his meaning clear.

Unlike the way Sam’s Dean would’ve reacted, this Dean just grinned and said “Jealous?”

“Of you?” Gabriel pretended to shudder. “Ew.”

“Bitch, I’m gorgeous.” With that parting remark, Dean smirked. Then he turned his attention to Sam. The openness of his look faded just a little, and Sam tried to not let that hurt, reminding himself that this wasn’t _his_ Dean. “Cas and I got some breakfast in the kitchen. Why don’t you toss down the books for a bit and come eat? An don’t even tell me you’re not hungry.” He cut those words off before Sam got the chance to say them. “You haven’t eaten since you got here. I’ve got no idea what you eat or if you’re as health nutty as my Sammy, so you get a bit of everything and I don’t wanna hear any bitching.”

“I really should keep working.” Sam tried, even knowing it wasn’t going to work. He knew that look on Dean’s face.

Sure enough, the older Winchester snorted and shook his head. “Dude, you look like Gabe could kick your ass _without_ powers.”

“Not that I would.” Gabriel chimed in. He winked at Sam. “It’s a nice ass.”

This time it was Dean who said “Ew.” For his part, Sam just blushed.

Clearing his throat, Sam tried once more to corral a conversation that was quickly getting away from him. “Not that I don’t appreciate your efforts – I really do. But I, ah, I really do need to work on this. I need to get back home. Metatron didn’t just send me here for fun. He wants me out of the way, which most likely means I was close to something. I need to get back and get it figured out before he finds a way to cause more damage.” Not to mention he needed to get back to his research on the Mark.

A snap had Sam jumping instinctively. Instead of trouble, he found the books on the table suddenly stacked in a pile and the rest of the space now taken up in an array of breakfast foods. “There,” Gabriel said, settling back in his chair again. “Breakfast and research, all rolled into one.”

Dean groaned and grumbled, but Sam shot Gabriel a grateful look. He got a wink in return.

* * *

Most of the day was spent at the table going through book after book. Sam didn’t really find much of importance. Once or twice he thought he might’ve found something only for it to end up being nothing. No one else found anything either. Not that they were researching quite as hard as Sam. Castiel seemed to studiously be looking at the books, going through one right after another. Gabriel looked at things but he took breaks as well. That wasn’t any real surprise. Sam doubted he was the type to sit down for long. It was no real shock when he left them once or twice, claiming that he was going to go try and put out a few feelers to see if anyone else had some information that might help.

Dean vanished sometime after lunch – a lunch he had insisted that Sam eat with them. Where he went, Sam wasn’t sure. Most likely down to the firing range so that he could blow off some steam. Sitting for hours and researching had never really been his gig.

For the most part, though, they helped Sam research, and they let him stay there.

It wasn’t until dinner time that Dean called a halt to the research, over Sam’s protest. Surprisingly, he was backed by both angels. “Continuing to stare at books is only gonna give you an even bigger headache than you’ve already got, Samoa.” Gabriel told him. He’d gotten back just an hour ago, with no real news other than that his contacts would get back to him when they could.

With everyone against him, Sam didn’t really have a choice. He had to stop and eat.

Sitting down to dinner, however, brought about one of the things that Sam had been trying to avoid. With no research to distract any of them, it meant that they were free to talk – and to ask questions. He wasn’t surprised that Dean was the one to start. He was just a bit surprised when this version of his brother started off with just a simple question. “How you doing with all this? It’s gotta be strange.”

Sam shrugged one shoulder and absently stirred at the noodles that were on his plate. Dean had made some chicken and noodle thing that was actually pretty good and surprisingly healthy with plenty of vegetables in it. It was scary to think that his brother had willingly made this. Even if it wasn’t his brother, it was still Dean, and that made it strange.

The question wasn’t all that strange, though. It was one that the Dean he knew would’ve asked, even with things as strained as they were between them. “I’m doing all right. I mean,” He speared a pepper and grinned before popping it into his mouth. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s weird.”

“No shit.” Dean agreed, grinning as well. “It’s freaky sometimes looking at you. I mean, you’re not my brother, but, y’know, you kinda are.”

Sam knew exactly what he meant. “Yeah. You’re Dean, but you’re not _my_ Dean.”

“He’s probably going crazy.”

It took everything Sam had not to wince. Conscious of the two oddly silent angels watching them, Sam opted for just a shrug. That earned him a narrow-eyed look from Dean. For a moment the older Winchester just watched him and Sam tried not to flush under that gaze. He focused on eating his food. Dean finally set down his fork and leaned back a bit, relaxing into the arm that Castiel had slung around the back of his chair. His gaze was serious as he focused on Sam with a look that Sam had always hated as a kid, one that he felt saw deeper inside of him than an angel’s most penetrating look. “I get the feeling we aren’t as close in your world.”

“We’re close.” Sam insisted. Even to him, it sounded a little flat. He blew out a breath, stifling the cough that tickled at his throat, and set down his own fork. “A lot of shit has happened and we’re not as, open, as you guys seem to be. But we’re still close. We’re just kind of, different than I think you and your Sam are.” _Harder_ , Sam thought to himself. They were harder. More cynical. Scarred by the things they’d lived through that these versions of themselves hadn’t.

“I imagine you’ve lived quite different lives.” Castiel chimed in. He’d been mostly quiet so far and the sound of his voice surprised Sam.

“It seems like it. Things seem to kind of, go their separate ways around the apocalypse. What you guys had after that seems different than what we have. Though, I’m curious.” There’d been a question that had been bugging Sam for a little while now, ever since he’d stopped to think about the bunker. “I know how we got the bunker in our world, but I’m curious how you guys got it here. It doesn’t seem like you’ve got Abaddon to worry about.”

The three men – well, one man and two angels – all smiled. Gabriel’s was more of a smirk, though. He held up his right hand and wiggled his fingers. “Archangel, remember? Trust me, a Knight of Hell doesn’t stand a chance.”

“Ganked that bitch the day she got out.” Dean said smugly.

A pang shot through Sam. If only things had been that way in their world. But, maybe... “Is there any way you know of to kill one? Aside from an archangel?”

Gabriel nodded at him and Sam’s heart soared a little. “The right kind of devil’s trap would contain her and weaken her enough for a regular angel blade to work.”

It was right on the tip of Sam’s tongue to ask about the Mark. If there was any being that might know the answer to that, wouldn’t it be an archangel? But he couldn’t bring himself to say it; not in front of Dean. He didn’t know why. He just, couldn’t. But that didn’t mean that he couldn’t catch Gabriel later and ask him. What would it hurt? Maybe the guy would freak out and maybe he wouldn’t. It wasn’t like he’d freak out on Sam too much. Sam hadn’t been the idiot to go and get the Mark. And even if he did, it’d be worth it if Sam got some valuable information out of it.

In the back of his mind, the hunter resolved to try and find some alone time later to talk with Gabriel about it. Getting back home was his first priority, of course. But if he could take this situation that Metatron had tossed him into and use it to his advantage, maybe it would be worth it.


	4. Chapter 4

The chance to talk to Gabriel alone didn’t come as easily or as quickly as Sam was hoping. Most of Sam’s attention was focused on trying to find a way to get himself back home. Any time that he wasn’t focused on that, it was when the others drew him out of the books for a bit, and that was always at meal times and always with the group of them together. And it was hard to really think of much else except getting home. With the panic steadily growing in him as one day turned to two, and then three, and then Sam woke up one morning and realized that it’d been four days it that he’d been in this alternate world and there was still no sign that he was going to be able to get back home, he was finding it hard to do anything but focus on his books and hope against hope that he was somehow going to find a way back home.

The ease which he’d felt when he’d first arrived was starting to fade in some ways. It was hard to stay relaxed when he was beginning to worry that he might not get back home. Those thoughts usually didn’t creep in until late at night when he was awake from yet another nightmare, freezing in this strange bed that wasn’t his, his lungs aching for the inhaler that he didn’t have with him.

Yet, in other ways, some of the ease that he’d felt at the start was also growing. And that was just as scary.

Sam found himself getting comfortable around these three in a way he hadn’t been able to do back home for quite a while now. This was like his family here, only it wasn’t, and sometimes he had to forcibly remind himself of that. It only made the ache in his heart grow, because this was how his family _could’ve_ been without some of the pain they’d gone through. If Gabriel hadn’t died, if Sam hadn’t gone to hell, if Dean hadn’t gone to purgatory, if the Leviathan hadn’t been released.... if, if, if, if....

For four days Sam alternated between panicking and almost relaxing, and it left him on edge. Because of that, he wasn’t as careful as he should’ve been, and he let a few things slip that he hadn’t planned on saying.

It was on his fourth day there, and the group was once more trying to relax a little after dinner. They’d taken to coming together like this and talking, comparing notes a little on their life before the apocalypse. It was sort of entertaining to see the little things that were different as well as some of the things that were the same.

So far no one had pressed on any issues after the apocalypse, or how he’d ended it. If Sam had stopped to think about that he would’ve known to be on his guard. Dean had always been good at lulling him into a sense of complacency before springing the big things on him. So really, it shouldn’t have surprised him that night when Dean threw out the question that Sam had hoped to avoid.

“So, I’ve been wondering.” Dean began, reclining back on his end of the couch. He had a beer in one hand and his other arm wrapped around Castiel. Gabriel and Sam each had one of the chairs nearby and they were relaxing as well, though Gabriel had a cocktail while Sam was drinking tea in the hopes that the heat would help relax his lungs a bit.

At Dean’s remark, he looked up, watching the other version of his brother. “That sounds dangerous.”

“Bite me.” Dean shot back lazily. Then he rolled his head just enough to watch Sam, looking for all the world like he was relaxed and at ease. That was Sam’s first sign that something was coming. Sure enough... “You said at the start that Gabe here died back in your timeline. But in all our stories, you never said how you guys managed to stop the apocalypse without him. I mean, I’m assuming you did, seeing as how you’re sitting here and it’s gotta be years down the road in your time. You’re at the bunker after all.”

Well, shit. Sam’s mind scrambled to try and think of how to deal with this conversation. It was one he really, really hadn’t wanted to have. What was the point? Why bother them with his mistakes? It wasn’t a time he and his own Dean liked to talk about. How on earth would the people here take it? “We did.” Sam finally said, his words a bit slow while his mind still raced quickly.

All attention in the room was on Sam now. He had to fight not to squirm under it.

“How?” Dean asked. He must’ve been able to see something on Sam’s face because he scowled at him and used his beer to point Sam’s direction. “Don’t even think about it, Sammy. Whatever line of crap you’re trying to think of feeding me over there, don’t. I’m not _your_ brother but I’m still your brother an I know when you’re bullshitting me. You’ve got the same damn tells.”

“Maybe it’s just something I don’t like talking about, did you think of that?” Sam asked.

“It’s not a hard question or anything like that. I mean, c’mon, we’ve been letting you keep a helluva lot more secrets than I like. What’s the big secret about stopping the apocalypse?”

Dean had no idea what he was talking about. But he was right – they’d been letting Sam keep a lot of secrets, and they’d been surprisingly open with him. More open than he’d expected. Maybe there was a way Sam could answer some of this without telling them everything. Sam’s mind raced quickly over his options. “It’s not a secret. It’s just… why do you want to know so bad?”

“I confess myself curious as well.” Castiel said. “I admit, without Gabriel’s aid I can’t quite see how you managed to stop anything.”

“It wasn’t easy.” Feeling just a bit resigned to this, Sam slumped down a little in his seat, his fingers toying idly with his drink. “We had a plan. One that you gave us, actually.” He gestured towards Gabriel. A hint of a smile touched his lips that was tinged with just a bit of sadness he didn’t even realize was there. “You put your goodbye and your plan on a porno DVD and gave it to us.”

Gabriel grinned and lifted his glass in a ‘cheers’ gesture. “Nice. Go me.” Then his face lit up as it all must’ve clicked – this Gabriel must’ve had the same backup plan – and he let out a low whistle. “You mean to tell me you bozos got the rings and locked Luci back in his cage? Without my help?”

Sam nodded. There was an instinctive clench of his muscles, a purely physical response to any mention of the Cage. Sam had learned how to work past it, though, and he forcibly relaxed himself. “Him and Michael both.”

That sent Gabriel’s eyebrows even higher. “ _Both_ of them? How on Dad’s green earth did you manage _that_?”

This was the part that Sam really, really didn’t want to talk about. He tried to talk around it, hoping that they wouldn’t call him on it. “It wasn’t easy. But, we managed in the end. Of course, it opened up a whole new world of trouble. You know – business as usual.”

“What rings?” Dean asked.

The slight change in topic was enough for Sam and he latched onto it, hoping they’d leave the rest of it alone. “The Horsemen’s rings. They act as a key to Lucifer’s Cage.”

“Which is not knowledge that should be spread around.” Gabriel said, cutting Sam off.

Castiel tilted his head and watched Sam in that way of his that both versions of Castiel seemed to have. “It would not have been easy to get Lucifer and Michael both down into the Cage. They would not have gone willingly.”

No, they hadn’t. Sam closed his eyes as the memories washed over him. Bobby’s neck snapping, Castiel exploding in front of him, the crunch of Dean’s bones as Lucifer hit him over and over and over again. And the sense of terror and elation as Sam finally regained control. “It was the hardest thing we’ve ever done.” More memories were trying to push in, darker memories, and his palms were starting to sweat. There was the feel of ice trickling through his veins in a way Sam knew meant a panic attack was trying to kick in, and he couldn’t let that happen. He just couldn’t.

Before anyone could say anything, Sam unfolded his long legs and pushed himself up from the chair. “If you don’t mind, that’s enough story time tonight. I think I’ve wasted enough time. I should probably get back to researching.” With that pitiful excuse, he beat a hasty exit, not caring how they all watched him. He knew they knew that he was running, he just didn’t care. This wasn’t his family and he didn’t have to tell them anything. As soon as he figured out how to get out of here, he’d be gone and he’d never see these versions of them again.

Sam went to the kitchen with the plan to make himself another cup of tea, hoping that the heat of it would help chase away the panic attack as well as the ache in his lungs. Sometimes getting himself somewhere warm was a good way to counter the ice that crept up in his memories. But when he got to the kitchen he had to take a minute to just plant his hands on the counter and bow his head so he could try and focus on just breathing. Panic always kicked his breathing up a notch and all this time without his inhaler was really having an effect on his lungs. Even he could hear the whistle that was there.

The sound of someone behind him had Sam shooting up and spinning around, his mind still half in a panic and his body reacting instinctively. He was reaching for a weapon that wasn’t even there before he realized that it was just Gabriel.

The archangel held out his hands in a gesture of peace as he froze in the doorway of the kitchen. “Woah there, kiddo. It’s just me.”

“Gabriel.” Sam’s breath left him in a rush. Well, more a wheeze.

The sound of it was enough to have Gabriel wincing. Then, to Sam’s surprise, the archangel drew himself up like he was bracing for something. He dropped his hands down to his sides and his gaze turned serious in that way that was still so strange to Sam. It was a look he wasn’t used to seeing. “Listen, you’ve been here for a few days and I know things are strange, but I think we’ve all built up a little bit of trust between us. Right?”

Sam watched him, nodding slowly. There was some trust there. Not much, but some. He couldn’t deny it.

“Then for the love of Dad, would you _please_ put aside your Winchester stubbornness and let me at least attempt to heal you?” Gabriel asked. He took a small step forward, that was it, but it was enough to make Sam lean back slightly. He watched as Gabriel froze in response and then deliberately held himself as still as possible. “I’m not going to do anything without your consent. I get the feeling that’s kind of a huge thing for you, an I get that. I won’t force it on you. But you’re still sore and your breathing isn’t getting any better.”

“I just, I need my inhaler, that’s all.” Sam hated to admit to that. Hated to admit to something that he’d kept secret even from his own brother. But he found himself uttering the words without really intending on it.

Gabriel didn’t even blink over the admission. “If this doesn’t work, you can describe your inhaler to me and I’ll snap you one right up, I swear. But would you at least let me try, first? You’ve got my word as an archangel I won’t try doing anything else but healing.”

As Sam stared at him, he was stunned to realize that he was actually considering this. He was considering letting Gabriel try and heal him. So far, the archangel hadn’t showed any signs of being trouble. He hadn’t threatened Sam or been any more of a dick than Sam had already expected. He hadn’t even pranked him in the few days Sam had been here. He’d been nothing but nice, helping in any way he could in an impossible situation. He was proving to be one of the good guys. Someone that maybe, just maybe, Sam could trust. What harm could come of letting him try a little healing?

“Nothing else?” Sam asked finally. “No other poking around or anything like that?”

Gabriel held up his hand in the sign of the boy scouts. “Scout’s honor.”

That was enough to startle a small chuckle out of Sam. Some of the tension in his shoulders eased a bit. “You were never a scout.”

“How do you know? I’ve been on this earth a long time, Moose. I’ve done a lot of things.”

The nickname brought a scowl to Sam’s lips. He leaned back against the counter and shot Gabriel what Dean always called a ‘bitchface’. “Fine, on one condition – never call me that again. Crowley calls me that.”

“What, he gets special nickname privileges and I don’t?” Gabriel’s tone was teasing. Some of the seriousness had melted away and he was smiling as he came forward. But the way he looked at Sam gave the hunter the feeling that, while Gabriel didn’t know his full story, he knew there was something here that he didn’t understand, something that was making Sam afraid, and he wasn’t treating it lightly. He stopped right in front of him and lifted one hand, pausing with it right in front of Sam’s head. Their eyes locked and Sam expected him to say something, maybe some flippant remark. So he was surprised when Gabriel simply held his stare and then brought his two fingers in to press against Sam’s temple.

The first wash of grace through him was nothing like Sam had expected. Most angels felt a little warm, he’d come to realize. Lucifer had felt cold. And Michael – Michael had felt like fire. But Gabriel’s grace was like a wash of warm water pouring into him. It was gentle and easy, not too warm and not too cold, sliding down through his body and swirling around through him. He felt the leftover aches from his crash landing fade away. Even the ache in his knee where he’d banged it up on his last hunt was washed away. And Sam swore he could feel the grace gathering in his chest. It soothed some of the ache, taking away the hint of a tickle in his lungs, making it just the slightest bit easier to breathe.

When Gabriel finally pulled it back, Sam felt sort of empty inside and he had to fight not to try and cling to that warmth that had felt more soothing than anything he’d ever known.

“Well,” Gabriel drawled out, pulling his hand back. His mouth quirked up a bit but his eyes were still serious. They were glowing ever so slightly with a hint of the grace that was currently inside the vessel, giving him a look of power and age that wasn’t often shown. “I couldn’t heal all of it. You’re right, there’s quite a bit of damage there. Given time an enough healing sessions, I could probably get it almost completely gone, but it’d take some work. Right now the best I could do was ease a bit of the inflammation that was there.”

“Thank you.” Sam said softly. He didn’t mean for just the healing, either.

Gabriel’s smile warmed and gentled into something different and new. “You’re welcome. If you want, I can keep trying to heal a bit each day you’re here.”

“Hopefully I won’t be here that long.”

“Maybe. The offer’s there, either way.”

The two stood there and stared at one another for a moment or two. They didn’t say anything, just looked at one another, and Sam tried not to let his thoughts wander too much on how bright the archangel’s were, or how he had laugh lines around his eyes that made his face look somehow that much more handsome. _Don’t you dare, Sam,_ he warned himself. _Don’t even start. You can’t do this. Not with someone that you’re never going to see again. And not with him. Someone like you shouldn’t ever even think of touching someone like him._

Sam cleared his throat and jerked his gaze away. “I appreciate it, thanks.”

He heard Gabriel shift and snuck a glance over at him, finding that the archangel had backed up a step but he hadn’t gone away. He was looking at Sam with his eyebrows furrowed and a little tilt to his head. “You don’t really trust angels, do you?” Gabriel asked. “I mean, Deano out there doesn’t, but he doesn’t trust anyone. But you…”

“I trust too much.” Sam finished for him. He’d heard that same line from Dean plenty of times before. Sam shifted his weight a little and adjusted back against the counter so that he was leaning against it and better able to look at Gabriel without the strange feelings that came from being so up close and personal with him. “I used to trust angels. Even after a lot of the stuff they put me through, I did. But, I don’t know. The apocalypse kind of changed that for me. Then, everything afterwards.” Sam shrugged one shoulder. “It doesn’t make it easy to trust.”

Instead of clamming back up the way that he had with everyone else, Sam found himself actually wanting to speak here. He didn’t know why. There was just something about the moment, about the company. Sam ended up telling Gabriel one of the things he hadn’t really talked about with anyone. “Do you know how many times I’ve been possessed?” He waited until Gabriel shook his head before continuing on. “Three times by demons and twice by angels.” None of those experiences had been the best. Sam lifted one of his hands and wiped it over his mouth, trying to gather his composure a bit. He dropped his hand back down to rest on the counter’s edge again. “When Dean stopped me from completing the Trials, I still had all that power in me and I didn’t deal with it too well. My body just sort of shut down. I didn’t find out until later, but while I was in the hospital Dean sent out an open prayer to any angel who could come heal me.”

“Wow.” Gabriel whistled lowly and shook his head. “Was he suicidal or just stupid?”

Sam huffed out a breath that was almost a laugh. “Who knows? The doctors told him I wasn’t gonna make it and he was determined to prove them wrong. No matter what I wanted.” That was still one of the hardest parts for him. The thing that still really infuriated him.  “The angel that showed up told him he was Ezekiel. He told Dean the damage was too great to heal from the outside and then got Dean’s permission and went inside my head. Then he used my brother’s face to trick me into saying yes.”

“Zeke? _Zeke_? That doesn’t sound like him at all.”

“Yeah, well, that’s probably because it wasn’t him.”

To give himself something to do with his hands, and to help him avoid looking over at Gabriel, Sam finally turned away from the counter to do what he’d originally come in here for. The act of making tea helped to steady him just a little bit and let him keep talking and even look over at Gabriel. “I guess the fall shook quite a few things loose in Heaven. We found out later that it wasn’t Ezekiel who’d possessed me. It was Gadreel.”

“Gadreel?” If Gabriel had sounded surprised before, he was completely stunned now. When Sam looked over he found the archangel leaning against the counter where Sam had been before, staring at him with wide eyes. “Shit, sasquatch.”

“Yeah. He didn’t want to leave, either. When Dean tried to make him, Gadreel took over and used my body to kill Kevin, on Metatron’s orders, and then went out and killed a few more people that Metatron wanted dead. Dean and Crowley had to trap him and then Crowley possessed me to go in and let me know what was going on, cause I still had no idea I was even possessed. Gadreel kept me locked away in a part of my head without me having any clue that it wasn’t real.” Turning his back towards the trickster, Sam tried not to let his bitterness seep in, tried to keep his tone light and under control. The things that Gadreel had done with his body were still so damn hard to think about. “So, uh, yeah. It wasn’t ever you that bothered me. It’s just, I’m not all that fond of angels or grace or anything like that.”

The kitchen went quiet for a few as Sam finished prepping his tea cup. When he set it aside to steep, he finally turned to look at Gabriel once more. What he found wasn’t what he expected. The archangel was still leaning against the counter but he was watching Sam with something akin to sorrow on his face. Sorrow and something else that Sam couldn’t name. Those golden eyes carried a light to them that took Sam’s breath away. In that moment he was keenly aware that it was an archangel he was looking at. Any signs of the trickster were gone. There was power and age in Gabriel’s eyes and the air around him seemed a bit heavier than normal and carried with it a feel that Sam associated with power. “They never should’ve done that to you, Sam. To think that any of my brothers have fallen that far, even Gadreel…it makes me sick. At his worst not even Lucifer would’ve dared to put on another face to trick you into saying yes. Heaven didn’t used to be like that.”

There was a lot that Sam wanted to say to that. He couldn’t argue it. Other angels, Lucifer included, hadn’t been afraid to torture or kidnap or manipulate to get what they wanted, but aside from that first visit where Lucifer had come to Sam’s dreams looking like Jess, none of them had ever taken on the face of another to trick them into saying yes. “It’s not your fault.” Sam settled on saying. He thought back to what had started all this, the healing that Gabriel had given him, and he let his lips curve up ever so slightly. “You’re not like them.”

“Damn right I’m not!”

“Then you’ve got nothing to be sorry for. I know who hurt me, Gabriel. And you aren’t on that list.”

He watched the power fade from Gabriel’s eyes, replaced by surprise. They widened a little and his eyebrows went up just a bit. He searched Sam’s face for a moment and then his whole expression transformed with a smile that almost lit up the room.

Sam smiled back at him. Inside, he cursed himself for the butterflies that danced in his stomach at the sight of that smile. _I am in so much trouble._


	5. Chapter 5

Sleep didn’t come for Sam that night. There was too much on his mind for him to find any easy sort of rest. Too many things had happened that day and too many worries sat on him. For most of the night he tried to sit in there and at least attempt sleep. That never worked, though.

Eventually he got fed up and grabbed a change of clothes from the dresser. Gabriel had snapped those up for him on his second day there. Sam changed into a pair of running pants and a t-shirt and then laced on his shoes before heading out from his room. So far he'd kept himself contained to the bunker but tonight he had too much on his mind and the walls felt just a little too tight around him. Both Winchesters were getting better at settling down since they'd found the bunker but they'd been raised on the move for pretty much their entire lives. Staying still wasn't something they were good at. They both still got urges to move and go. With everything that was going on right now, all that was in his head, Sam needed the freedom of movement. He needed fresh air.

His usual running route near the bunker didn't put him near any houses or people. That was a good thing. There was no telling what kind of trouble it might cause if he interacted with anyone beyond those here at the bunker. He didn't know if the Sam here had any connections or relationships with anyone that lived near the bunker. Besides, right then he didn't need people. He needed to run.

The simple act of putting one foot in front of the other and moving through the fresh open air of the early morning was perfect. Sam stopped trying to think and just let himself get lost in his physical activity just the same as he always did. He'd never been able to make Dean understand the appeal of running. When Sam ran, he could forget everything for a little while. He could empty his mind and reach this sensation of calm that he'd never been able to find anywhere else.

By the time he made it back to the bunker, he was covered in sweat and his muscles were burning with the pleasant ache that came from exercise. His lungs were protesting just the slightest bit from the workout he'd done but they honestly still felt a little bit better than they had yesterday. He had a feeling he had Gabriel to thank for that.

Sam was a bit surprised when he made his way back inside and found that there was someone up. It wasn't Gabriel or Castiel, the two he might've expected. It was Dean. He was sitting at the table in the library looking absently through some of the books they still had stacked there in their 'to look at' pile.

The older Winchester looked up as Sam came strolling in. Just like the Dean back home would, this one gave a small grimace when he saw Sam and he pulled that familiar disgusted look that Sam suspected big brothers learned at birth. "Ugh. You're just as bad as my Sammy. Running?" Dean gave a mock shudder. "There's something wrong with you, dude."

Sam grinned and pushed some of his hair back from his sweaty face. "You don't know what you're missing."

"Yeah, right. I'll pass." Despite his teasing words, there was something akin to concern in Dean's eyes as they traveled over Sam. "Couldn't sleep?"

Sam shrugged and propped himself up against the end of a bookshelf. "Needed to move. I was feeling a little... itchy."

Dean nodded in understanding. Then he sat up straight and said the very last thing Sam had expected. "Look, I'm sorry if I freaked you out yesterday." He must've seen the shock on Sam's face because he snorted. "Shut up. Cas reamed me last night for pushing you when it was obvious you didn't wanna talk about shit."

The little brother in Sam couldn't help but smirk at him. "I bet he did."

That took just a second for Sam's words to sink in. Then Dean was scowling at him and exclaiming "Dude!" He glared at Sam. "You’ve been spending too much time with Gabe! That wasn't what I meant. I'm trying to have a moment here, quit trying to perv out."

"Trust me, the last thing I want to do is perv out on you two. I'm just happy to see one version of you somewhere can pull his head out of his ass enough to actually see what's right in front of him. I gotta know, though." Sam's grin grew a bit more devilish. "Who made the first move? Was it you? Or was it him?"

"I'm not talkin' about this with you." Dean insisted. There was a hint of color to his cheeks that made Sam rather satisfied. It was always fun to pick on his brother no matter if it was some strange alternate version of him or not. Dean cleared his throat and obviously tried to push his discomfort down. "I'm trying to say that I shouldn't have pushed you on that stiff. I won't do it again."

Some of Sam's good mood evaporated at those words. He couldn’t help but sigh a little. It wasn't Dean's fault that Sam was so uncomfortable with these things. "Look," He started and then stopped himself, taking a moment to think over his words. "It's nothing against you, all right? Of all the moments in my life the apocalypse is one of the ones I still don't have the easiest time with. I made a lot of mistakes and there was a lot of stuff that happened that still hurts to think about. I just, I don't like thinking about what I did or what happened. So don't take it personal or anything, please. It's kind of one of those things that my Dean and I just don't ever talk about."

"I get it. Sammy and I got things like that too. An I'll try an respect that in the future."

Sam looked Dean over and found himself shaking his head. A small smile touched his lips. This wasn't the Dean that he knew. This Dean was so much more relaxed. So much more open. "Cas is good for you."

"He is, isn't he?" Another voice chimed in.

Sam turned to watch as Gabriel and Castiel came in through the other end of the library. The two angels were both smiling. It warmed Sam to see how Castiel's eyes immediately sought out Dean and how they softened when they landed on him. There was something about Dean that gentled too just from the seraph's presence. This was what Sam wanted more than anything for his Dean. As soon as they got the Mark dealt with, Sam resolved to do everything he could to push his brother and his brother's angel together. This was what Dean needed.

The smile Gabriel wore turned to a smirk as he dropped down into a chair and gave Sam a once over. "Looking good there, Samsquatch."

The flirtatious comment made Sam flush a bit and made Dean scowl. "Quit flirting with my brother." Dean ordered.

Gabriel's grin grew. "Have you looked at him? I'm not made of stone!"

"On that note." Sam cleared his throat and pushed off the wall, trying not to show his enjoyment in Gabriel's remarks or his embarrassment. "I'm going to go clean up."

"Don’t rush off on my account!" Gabriel exclaimed quickly.

Sam flushed even deeper. He tried to convince himself as he hurried out of the room that he very much was _not_ running. The sound of laughter behind him didn't help with that.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later Sam came back to the library. Instead of finding a group of people researching, like he’d expected, he found the three of them were sitting around the table with cups in their hands and serious expressions on their faces. None of them were looking at books. Sam’s step faltered just a bit. He was cautious as he moved up the steps towards them.

Gabriel looked up as Sam got close and he flashed a smile at the hunter. “Hey there, kiddo. We were just talking about you.” The chair next to Gabriel scooted out in open invitation. “Come have a seat.”

"I'm suddenly a little worried." Sam said. Still, he took the seat Gabriel offered, placing him at the end of the table kitty-cornered from the archangel.

The way that the archangel smiled at him had Sam smiling back. "Don't you worry your pretty little head over it. I'll keep you safe." Much to the amusement of everyone else, Gabriel reached over and patted Sam's cheek, laughing when the hunter jerked back from him.

"All right, all right." Dean said, holding out his hands and shaking his head. His lips were twitching up like he was trying not to smile. "Calm down, everyone. Gabe, keep your hands to yourself. Sammy, ignore him."

Gabriel sat back and wiggled his eyebrows lewdly at Dean. "What about the rest of me?"

"Ew." Dean shuddered. "That's just... no. We're not getting into that. Keep all parts of you to yourself and lets focus on what's actually important here."

Castiel had even bothered to pay any attention to the bickering between Dean and Gabriel. The way he ignored it so easily suggested it was a habit come of long-time practice. Sam imagined that those two probably never stopped bickering with one another. Castiel probably had plenty of time to get used to it. Still ignoring them, he focused right on Sam. "We've been discussing what to do about getting you home. So far it seems that our research has found us nothing."

"Seems like it." Sam agreed.

"There're still a ton of books to go through." Dean pointed out. He'd turned away from Gabriel and was looking at Sam as well now. "We're not giving up or anything, don't you worry about that. We've still got plenty in this place we can look at."

"It's just getting less and less likely that we'll find something. This isn't exactly a usual thing." Gabriel chimed in.

Sam blew out a breath and sat back in his chair. With one hand he pushed his still shower-damp hair back from his face, absently wishing for a ponytail or something to pull it back like he did when he was researching for a long time, or working out. "What are you guys thinking of, then?"

Beside him, Gabriel sat forward and rested his elbows on the table, cradling his cup up between his hands. "I'm still waiting to hear back from a friend or two. So far none of the pagans have found anything, but, who knows, they might surprise us."

"And you're sure there's nothing either of you two can do?" Dean asked, looking from Castiel to Gabriel and back again. "There's no chance that you guys might, I don't know, combine powers somewhere and just zap him back? I mean, an archangel and a regular angel should be able to out power some random juiced up angel."

“It doesn’t work like that.” Castiel told him.

Gabriel nodded his agreement. “Baby bro’s right. Metatron is juiced up in power from the angel tablet. That’s Dad level power in a way. He knows the secrets on there that not everyone else knows an he’s got the souls of Heaven for power to help back him. That’s what gave him the juice to send Sammy boy here. If it were down to a fight between him and I, I’d win that, no problem. Wouldn’t be hard to swoop in and take control from him. Archangels are built to be leaders in Heaven and Metatron isn’t. But in a sheer blast of power over one dimension to the next? Yeah, he’s got a bit more juice. The only one here who could reach the same level, aside from Dad, would be Michael.”

Dean exchanged a quick look with the other angels and then focused his eyes back on Sam. "Well, I know you were pretty adamant about it before, but..."

"No." Sam cut in sharply. He knew where Dean was going with this and he wasn't going to do it. He wasn’t. "I'm not asking Michael for help. Not unless it's the absolute last thing that we do." He didn’t want to have to deal with the archangel unless he had to, and he wasn't entirely sure that Michael would help him. They all seemed sure that he might, but then again, Sam was pretty sure that the Sam here was a bit different than himself. He wasn't as marked. Wasn't as tainted.

“It may be.” Dean said. He set his mug down on the table but kept his hands around it. Eyebrows drawing down, he fixed Sam with a stare as if he looked hard enough he might somehow be able to see down inside of him. “Whatever your issue with him, is it really worth keeping your ass stuck here? Cause right now that’s how it’s looking. We’ve got nothing else that might send you back.”

They had no idea what they were asking him to do here. Could Sam stand seeing Michael again? Could he really? Could he handle seeing the archangel after everything that he’d done to Sam? Sure, it was the same Michael, but it was still a version of him. Sam wasn’t sure he could stand there and look at the archangel, let alone actually allow his grace to touch him. A cold shiver ran down Sam’s spine. It wasn’t just Lucifer who haunted his nightmares. The devil hadn’t been the only one to indulge in a little torture time while they were in the Cage. Lucifer hadn’t often liked to share – he’d seemed to consider Sam _his_ and wasn’t all that willing to let Michael ‘play with his toys’ – but sometimes the two had teamed up together and turned their rage on Sam instead of each other. Sam knew intimately the feel of both their graces and just how they could be used to make him hurt in so many different ways.

But… but what if Dean was right? What if this was the only way to get back home?

Sam closed his eyes and thought of all the things that were waiting for him at home. He thought of Castiel, who was behaving so strangely and who probably needed their help, even if he wasn’t admitting it. He thought of Dean, who was fighting the effects of the Mark, who was being manipulated by Crowley even if he couldn’t see it. He thought of all the angels that had fallen and how they were trapped on earth now with no one to help them.

How could Sam put his own discomfort above theirs? They needed help. _Dean_ needed help. He couldn’t do this whole thing alone. Whether he’d admit it or not, he needed his brother, and if there was a way for Sam to get back to him, he had to take it. No matter how hard it was for him.

“Fine.” The word tumbled from Sam on a shaky sigh. But when he opened his eyes again, his gaze was steady. Chin up, shoulders back, spine straight, he met Dean’s stare head on. It was easier to focus on him. “Fine.” He repeated, his voice stronger. “If we don’t find anything through our other sources, we can ask him.” If Michael actually agreed once he caught sight of Sam, well, that was another matter entirely.

* * *

With a plan of action now in mind, and a bit of a deadline, the group set to work once more. Gabriel flew off for one final check with the pagans, Dean and Castiel went down to one of the bunker’s storerooms where they thought there might be a book or two that would be more likely than the ones out here to help them, and Sam stayed out in the library to look through the last of the books they had out there.

He’d been reading for almost an hour when Gabriel flew back in. One moment Sam was alone, standing at the bookshelf returning a few books, and the next he heard the soft sound of rustling feathers. He knew without even turning around what he’d find. “Find out anything?”

A low chuckle came from behind him and then the sound of plastic crinkling. “Nope. Nothing, kiddo, sorry.”

“So you came to bug me?”

When Sam turned around he found Gabriel sitting at the table, feet propped up on the edge of the table and a bag of what looked like skittles in his hand. He tossed one up in the air and caught it in his mouth. “You’re a lot more fun than Thing 1 and Thing 2 downstairs.” Then he smirked. “Prettier, too.”

Sam rolled his eyes but didn’t comment on it. He was getting surprisingly used to the archangel’s antics even after just a few days around one another.

However, there was something else that he wanted to say. Something that he’d been wanting to say – ask, really – for a while now. This might be the best time to do it. With him potentially going home very soon, he was running out of opportunities to talk to Gabriel about things, and there was no one around right now. This was kind of the perfect chance for him to ask. With that in mind, Sam slid the last of his books back onto the shelf and he turned his head just enough to look back at the archangel. “I, um.” Wow, now that he was here, he was finding it surprisingly hard to say what he needed to say. Clearing his throat, he tried again. “While I have you here, I was actually hoping I might be able to ask you a thing or two. Some advice, actually.”

“Oh, that sounds promising.” Gabriel grinned and tossed another Skittle into his mouth. “C’mon, Samshine. Come sit and tell Uncle Gabby what’s wrong.”

“That’s disturbing and not an image I wanted in my head.” Sam told him. However, he did step away from the bookshelf and make his way over to the table. He was still a bit nervous as he sat down. It took a second to push back his nerves and focus on this. This was the opportunity that Sam had been waiting for and he wasn’t going to squander it. “There’s a lot I want to ask, especially if I’m going to be going home soon. But first, I guess... I’m not sure how to ask this.”

“You’re only piquing my interest even more, kiddo.”

Maybe blunt was the way to go with this. “What do you know about the Mark of Cain?”

In that moment, Sam almost wished he had a camera. It would’ve been nice to take a picture of the completely stunned look on Gabriel’s face. Then the shock faded away into something darker, something a whole lot more dangerous, and the air around them actually felt like it was crackling with the power that was flooding around them. Gabriel’s feet dropped down to the ground and his Skittles vanished as he sat up straight in his seat. All of his attention was fixed firmly on Sam. “You have got to be kidding me. What the hell did your idiot brother do?”

That much open temper wasn’t doing any good for Sam’s nerves. He’d expected some kind of reaction, just not quite like this. _Keep calm, he’s not going to hurt you. Not after he just healed you yesterday. Keep calm._ “Who said he did anything?” Sam asked, trying to dodge around it.

Gabriel scowled at him. “Don’t bullshit me, Winchester. It won’t work. I healed you – I know you don’t have that curse on you. An if you’re asking me about it, it’s not idle gossip, which means your fucking idiot of a brother went and did something completely _stupid_.”

Sighing, Sam brushed a hand through his hair again, more of a nervous gesture this time than anything else. Not just for the topic but also because of the power he could still feel around him. This wasn’t the calm power that he’d felt before when Gabriel healing him, or even the ‘at ready’ power he’d felt the day of his arrival. This was a dangerous, lethal power that could cause a lot of damage. It was the power of a pissed off archangel and that was something that Sam knew better than to try testing himself against. “In our world, we didn’t have you there when Abaddon came through. She’s been free to roam, to cause a shit load of problems that we’ve been trying our damndest to stop. We don’t have any archangels to come in and swoop down and save the day.”

“Where’s Raphael?” Gabriel demanded. “He’s a prick, I know, but there’s no way he’d just stand back and let her do all this. Or let Metatron do all this.”

The question made Sam wince. He could easily remember what had happened to him. “He’s... gone. There aren’t any archangels left in my world. And the angels, well, you know what happened there. Metatron doesn’t give a damn about what she’s doing either. He’s too busy trying to become the new God.”

“So you two yahoos decided that the _Mark of Cain_ was the way to go?”

“Trust me, I wasn’t a part of that plan.” Sam said bitterly. It still rankled with him. “That was all on Dean and Crowley. They went to Cain for help and Dean came home with the Mark. It’s a long story and I don’t know all of it. They weren’t exactly sharing everything with me. The question is, now that I know there’s another way to take Abaddon down, is there a way to get that thing off his arm?”

“Not without letting out something a helluva lot more dangerous than anything you’ve ever known. Fuck!” Gabriel shoved himself up from the table and stormed off to pace the length of the library. Sam stayed frozen where he was, not quite able to fight his instincts as he felt the power that was steadily growing around him. He froze, a small voice in his mind screaming at him to be completely and utterly still, to make himself as small as possible in the hopes that maybe he wouldn’t be noticed, that maybe that power wouldn’t be turned his way. _This is Gabriel, not Lucifer. He’s not going to hurt you. This is Gabriel._ Over and over he repeated that reminder in his mind in the hopes that it would help him keep his calm.

“Of all the stupid, idiotic, _asinine_ things you bozos have ever done, this takes the cake!” Gabriel seethed. “Do you even realize what you’ve done? What this means? This is magic older than anything you’ve dealt with! That Mark wasn’t meant for anyone else! It wasn’t even meant for Cain! No human should ever hold it! And now it’s on the arm of Dean _freaking_ Winchester? What the hell were you _thinking_? Oh, that’s right! You weren’t!”

The power around them was growing and Sam sank down low in his seat. He’d expected Gabriel to be angry – he just hadn’t expected anything like this. The panic that he’d battled back yesterday and chased away with his run this morning was now racing back in with a vengeance and Sam was having a hard time breathing around it. He fought to keep himself in control, to not cower as Gabriel gave a furious shout and the whole bunker seemed to shake around him.

Only vaguely was he aware of Dean and Castiel coming in. More and more of Sam’s mind was being consumed with the need to be completely and utterly still. To hide and not draw attention to himself.

“Gabriel!” Castiel’s voice echoed loudly around them, a sharp whip crack through the room. “Brother, control yourself!”

To Sam’s surprise, he watched as Dean came over and placed himself right between Sam and Gabriel in an obviously protective move. There was absolutely no doubt that he’d put himself there deliberately. He kept himself turned just a bit, watching Sam even as he kept a sharp eye on Gabriel. Sam wanted to say something, to tell Dean not to worry about it, but his voice had dried up somewhere when the bunker had shook. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t do anything.

Gabriel spun to glare at Castiel. “Don’t you tell me to control myself, Castiel. Do you have any idea what these _morons_ have done? What it could mean for not just their world, but _ours_?”

The seraph took a step forward and spread his hands out in a gesture of peace. He didn’t answer Gabriel’s question. Instead, he very calmly stated “You must control yourself, Gabriel, before you damage our home.” Then he startled Sam by adding on “And you are scaring Sam.”

The power in the air seemed to freeze at those last words. Sam held his breath, unable to do anything but stare with wide eyes as Gabriel went completely and utterly still. Those golden eyes turned Sam’s way and the hunter shrank in on himself even more at the rage in that look.

Dean’s hand came down on Sam’s shoulder, a steady and comforting weight that Sam was ashamed to admit he needed right then.

That seemed to get through to Gabriel even more. The archangel closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath that he didn’t actually need. Sam felt it as the power in the room slowly faded away. When Gabriel opened his eyes again, he still looked angry but it wasn’t the terrifying rage that had been there moments before. There was no more crackle to the air, either. Sam felt like he could draw a breath again.

The first thing that Sam did when he got his breath back was blurt out “I’m sorry.” The words were soft and sort of hoarse, his abused lungs not liking how he’d treated them.

For some reason that apology made Gabriel wince. A little more of the anger faded away. He took a small step forward only to be stopped when Dean shifted his weight a little more firmly between them. “Why don’t we take a break?” Dean said in a voice that left no room for arguments. “You two go outside or somewhere and cool off. We can talk about this when everyone’s got their heads on straight.”

There was a moment there where Sam wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen. Then, between one heartbeat and the next, Gabriel was gone, Castiel following only seconds after.

Sam slumped down in his seat the instant they were gone.

He tensed up again when Dean turned those sharp green eyes his way. Only, Dean didn’t start questioning him right away. He kept his hand on Sam’s shoulder and squatted down in front of him. “You’re all right, kid.” His voice was pitched low, the way Sam remembered hearing it after his nightmares when he was a kid, or any time that he’d been hurt on a hunt. It was Dean’s gentle tone; the one he used when he was worrying about Sam. “Take a deep breath for me. You’re all right.”

“Sorry.” Sam apologized again. It wasn’t as much of a wheeze as last time.

“Just relax. Whatever happened, we’ll figure it out, all right? I just need you to relax for me first. I can practically hear your heart hammering away. Gabe’s not gonna hurt you, I promise. I won’t let him. Whatever happened, we’ll figure it out.”

Sam focused on his breathing and tried to calm his racing heart. It was a stupid, embarrassing reaction, one that he shouldn’t have allowed himself to have. Gabriel wasn’t Lucifer or Michael and he wasn’t going to hurt him. Logically, Sam knew that. The rest of him just hadn’t seemed to get that memo.

For a few minutes the library was quiet as Sam focused on matching his breathing to Dean’s. It worked to help steady him and, eventually, he managed to chase back the panic that had been clawing at his insides.

As if he could see that, Dean nodded. He drew his hand off of Sam’s shoulder but stayed down in his crouch. He waited until Sam looked up at him before nodding again. “There you go. You’re all right, Sammy.”

“I’m sorry.” Those seemed to be the only words Sam could say.

Dean shook his head. “We’ll figure it out.” He repeated. “Just talk to me. What happened?”

Shuddering a little, Sam wiped a shaky hand over his face. “I don’t know.”


	6. Chapter 6

The group met up again in the living room area of the bunker. Dean hadn’t pushed Sam to talk about anything after that “I don’t know” and for that Sam was grateful. He let this copy of his brother lead him out here and sit him down on the couch. Just like his Dean would've done, this one brought him out some tea and even snagged him a blanket and then he made sure that Sam was safely and comfortably set up on one end of the couch, with Dean sitting like a guard beside him, before be sent up a prayer to his angel. “Cas, if you guys are calm, we’re in the living room.”

It took a few moments before there was the sound of wings and the two angels appeared not far in front of them.

Still a little raw, Sam couldn’t stop his flinch, though he cursed himself for it.

Gabriel caught it and his expression was pained. He wasted no time before launching into apologies. “I’m sorry I let myself get out of control like that, kiddo. Honestly, I didn’t mean to scare you like that. It’s not you I’m pissed at, I swear, and I never would’ve hurt you.”

“I know.” Sam did know that. He did! “I, I overreacted, that’s all. I just, ah, I wasn’t expecting that.”

Grimacing, Gabriel huffed a bit. “Yeah, I got that.” He let out a sigh as he dropped himself into one of the armchairs. Castiel came over and took a seat on Dean’s other side.

“What the hell happened back there?” Dean’s question was a lot less gentle than it had been with Sam. He was glaring at Gabriel without any of Sam’s fear at all in his expression. “You shook the whole damn place with your tantrum and terrified the hell outta my brother. You better have a damn good explanation, Gabe.”

“What can I say, Deano? Even alternate versions of you manage to piss me off.” Gabriel said snarkily. He rolled his eyes and slouched down in his chair. His earlier loss of control wasn’t showing now. Right now, he was entirely in control, at least on the outside. The persona he was putting off to hide whatever was going on inside was one that Sam was familiar with. This was the trickster here, all smirks and dangerous eyes. “The other version of you has done something monumentally stupid that could have huge ramifications for pretty much every universe out there. Apparently he’s an even bigger idiot than you an decided that, since there was no awesome archangels around to clean up his mess when Abaddon came through, he’d do the stupidest thing possible and follow Crowley’s advice.” Gabe paused and snorted. “Cause that always ends well.”

“Crowley?” Dean turned to give Sam an incredulous look. “You guys were working with _Crowley_?”

Sam glared at him; even if this wasn’t his Dean, it was close enough, and Sam had a hell of a lot of resentment for what had happened. “Trust me, it wasn’t my choice.”

“Crowley convinced the other you that the only way to stop Abaddon was to use the First Blade, which is tied to Cain.” Gabriel explained.

That threw Dean. He spun back to look at Gabriel. “Like – _Cain?_ Cain and Abel?”

“One in the same! An the stupid just keeps coming, cause it seems the other you didn’t just ask him for help - he got the damned Mark of Cain on his arm. An that’s a giant shitstorm that you guys can’t even begin to understand.” At this, Gabriel turned to look at Sam, directing his next words to him. “I don’t know how the hell you guys always seem to land in the shittiest of situations. But this one tops them all. The Mark isn’t just something that lets a person control the First Blade. It’s so much more than that. The kind of damage it could do to Deano – well, we won’t even get into that yet. More important than that is what the thing actually is.”

A sick feeling was settling in Sam’s gut and it wasn’t from fear of the archangel this time. It was fear of something else, something much bigger. “What is it?”

“It’s a lock. A very, very old and important lock. One that locks away the biggest bad in the entire universe. You take that Mark off your brother’s arm and you’re setting free something that could consume not just your universe, but ours too. All of them.”

Sam felt like he’d gone numb. He stared at Gabriel with wide, horrified eyes. “How is that possible?”

“In all the universes out there, there are things that are obviously different. You, us.” Gabriel gestured at all of them with one finger. “There are different versions of us based on the different choices we’ve made. But there’s only one God for them all. One version of Dad. An one version of her. If she gets free, she’d destroy it all.”

“Who is she?” Dean asked.

Castiel was the one to answer him. “Her name is Amara. The Darkness.”

With a grin that looked forced, Gabriel added “She’s Dad’s sister.”

Silence fell over the living room for one long, frozen moment. It was no surprise that Dean was the one to break it.

“Woah, woah, wait a second.” Dean held out his hands, looking back and forth from one angel to the next, wearing the same stunned expression that Sam could feel on his own face. “God has a _sister_?”

“A rather nasty one.” Gabriel said. “She’s the darkness to His light. Where He creates, she destroys, and she won’t stop. That’s why Dad had to lock her away. An when He did, it took all of us archangels to help Him do it. Even then we barely managed it. But Dad locked her away before she could keep destroying everything and He sealed up her person – creating the Mark as a lock. He gave it to Luci first and we all had to watch as it corrupted him. Luci passed it on to Cain, an we put every kind of protection we could around Cain to keep him from ever breaking things open. Now, apparently, it’s been put on the arm of one Dean Winchester.”

A growing sense of horror was filling Sam. He’d known the Mark was bad - any idiot knew that – but he hadn’t realized it’d be anything like _this_. God had a sister. A freaking _sister_! Not just any sister, though. Oh no. He had an evil sister who wanted to destroy the world. And the key to the prison that God and all the archangels had locked her inside of was now on Dean’s arm. “So if we remove this thing...” Sam asked, his voice trailing off as he looked up at Gabriel.

The archangel looked at him with something akin to pity on his face. “Removing it breaks the lock. She’d be free.”

“And if it stays, what happens to Dean?” Sam’s hands clenched down on his mug. “What happens to my brother if we just leave this thing on his arm?”

This time Gabriel hesitated. His eyes flashed over to Castiel for one brief second before they came back to Sam. “If he doesn’t learn some sense of control, he’ll slowly turn into a demon. Or, well, a Knight.”

Son of a bitch. Sam closed his eyes. His stomach churned and he had to fight to keep from breaking his mug in his furious grip. Those were his only options? Release untold darkness on the world or let his brother become a demon? One that, technically, they wouldn’t be able to kill because it would just release the Darkness they’d tried to keep locked away anyways? “There’s got to be some way.” Sam blinked open his eyes and didn’t realize just how desperate or pleading his look was. He stared ahead of him at the archangel and pleaded with him to give him another answer. “There’s got to be some other answer.”

“Returning the Mark to Cain would be an ideal choice.” Castiel said.

Dean snorted derisively. “Something tells me he aint gonna be all that interested in taking it back.”

“Most likely not.” Castiel agreed. “But he would be the best solution to this scenario.”

“There’re only three real options I see here.” Gabriel said, drawing eyes back to him. He lost the trickster look to him as he sat forward. He rested his forearms on his thighs and clasped his hands between his knees, fixing Sam with a serious look that, for the moment, left Sam feeling like he was the only other person in the room. “Like Cas said, you could try and get Cain to take the Mark back, though I doubt he’ll want to. Or, if your Dean is anything like this one here and is in love with Cassie boy, they could bond together. The bond would make it so that Cassie’s light would always help keep Dean’s dark at bay. But that would only work so long as Cas was alive. The minute something killed him, all that dark would be free to flow in. Because there’d be nothing that could kill Dean except an archangel blade.”

That sounded like a crap option. It wasn’t getting rid of the problem, only prolonging it. “They aren’t together.” Sam answered, sneaking a look at the two beside him. “I mean, they should be, but they aren’t in my world. A lot of things have kind of gotten in the way.”

“Then the only other option I see is taking the Mark and giving it back to its source – Lucifer.”

The bottom dropped out of Sam’s stomach. Lucifer. They had to try and convince _Lucifer_ to take the Mark back? “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Sam and Dean said at the exact same time. Sam sort of lost his voice after that, unable to find anything to say that could express just how insane that was. Dean had no such problems. He’d sat forward now and was side to side with Sam, eyes fixed right on Gabriel. “You can’t be serious, dude. You really think they’re gonna be able to just, what, stroll down into the Cage and convince Lucifer to take the Mark back?”

“He would not agree easily.” Castiel added in. He sounded just as upset as Dean. “It would be a suicide run.”

“I’m just listing options here, bucko.” Spreading his hands a bit in a gesture of peace, Gabriel shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t say they’d be easy, I’m just telling you what they are. These are literally the only options that you guys have, Sammy. Either you guys convince Cain to take it back, or you take a jaunt down to the Cage and have a really fun chat with my brother.” His expression softened again and that pity from before was back. It was strange to see it on Gabriel’s face, of all beings. “I know I’m not giving you the best options here. Sorry, kiddo. But they are the only ones.”

“It’s fine. It’s not your fault.” No, it was theirs. His and Dean’s. _If I hadn't been so set on fighting with Dean, if I hadn't been such a dick, maybe he would've come to me. Maybe I could've stopped this._

Sam reached out and shakily set his mug down on the coffee table in front of him. His other hand came up to wipe over his mouth. The Cage. They might have to go down to _the Cage_. Sam pulled his hand away from his mouth and stared down at it, at the marks that he could see even if no one else could. Sometimes he swore he saw the scars that should be there. Marks of Lucifer’s ownership that he was afraid had never gone completely away. If they couldn’t convince Cain to take the Mark back, could they really go down there and talk to Lucifer? Could Sam really bring himself to go back to the one place he never wanted to see again?

“Sammy?”

Dean’s hand closed on Sam’s shoulder and jerked the younger Winchester out of his thoughts.

Turning, Sam looked up at this copy of his brother. This much happier, more relaxed, more at peace version of his Dean. As he looked at him, Sam knew the answer to his own questions. If it meant saving Dean, he knew what the answer would be. Yes. It would always be yes. Saving Dean was one of the reasons he’d gone down there last time. He could do it again. He would do anything that he could to give Dean the chance at some kind of happy ending. That had always been a vague, half formed thought in Sam’s head before, this idea with no real substance to it. He hadn't been entirely sure what a ‘happily ever after’ would consist of for someone like Dean. Life with Lisa hadn’t been it. But as Sam looked at this version of his brother, he had a feeling he finally knew.

A ghost of a smile touched Sam’s lips. “I always kind of knew I’d have to go back. At least it’s for a good cause.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Sam realized his mistake. His whole body instantly tensed and his eyes went wide. His shock was nothing compared to the shock of those around him.

Dean’s hand clenched down on Sam’s shoulder and his eyes went wide and then narrowed down on Sam’s face. “Back?” He repeated. “What the hell do you mean, _back_?”

The two angels, however, didn’t look as stunned. Sam had a feeling that they might’ve suspected earlier. They knew how the rings worked, how the keys to the Cage worked, and they knew Lucifer. There weren’t exactly a lot of options for getting the Devil back in the box. After Sam’s mini panic in the kitchen yesterday, and the way that Castiel had calmly pointed out how Gabriel was scaring Sam, the hunter had suspected that they’d both at least guessed. The way that they were looking at him now seemed to confirm that.

Sam tried to shrug his way out from under Dean’s hand as casually as possible. He tried to smile and pretend like it didn’t hurt. Like all of this wasn’t just clawing at his insides and ripping him apart. Drawing back, he pasted on a fake smile, not even caring if they could all see right through it. “We had to get him back in there somehow. He wasn’t just going to jump.” Sam’s voice was soft. Shrugging, he looked over at Dean and then dropped his gaze down to where his hands were clenched in his lap. “It was my fault he was out. It was only right I put him back.”

For the second time that day, Sam cringed as the person he was talking to launched up and began to pace and curse. The fact that it was Dean this time instead of Gabriel only made it marginally better. There was much less likelihood of his brother doing anything more than shouting at him. He could handle that. He’d handled Dean shouting before.

“How long?” Dean demanded, spinning back towards him. He took a furious step forward and glared down at Sam. “How long were you down there?”

Sam licked his lips and wished that he didn’t have to answer this. He wished that he didn’t have to have this conversation. It was the last one that he’d ever wanted to have with anyone. Especially after being brought up and down from the edge of panic so many times already today. This, he knew, wasn’t going to go over well with any of them. “Somewhere around a year and a half.”

“A year and a half?” Dean repeated with horror.

It was easy to see as Dean did the mental math. Sam knew he would be thinking of his forty years in hell – four months on earth – and would be doing the math from there. Sam watched as his face lost its color and his lips moved soundlessly for a moment as he reached the number he thought was right. Sam didn’t tell him that he was wrong; time in the Cage ran just a bit faster than it did in the rest of hell. “How the hell are you still sane?” Dean finally demanded in a hoarse voice.

Memories slithered in of a small little room in a mental hospital and his almost constant companion seated nearby, signing yet another round of Stairway to Heaven and tossing little firecrackers into the air each time it looked like his singing might soothe Sam to sleep. Echoes of laughter drifted up in Sam’s mind and he shoved them back down, hard. His mouth felt dry and he knew his hands would shake if he lifted them. _Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic_. Even as Sam chanted it at himself, he knew it was a lost cause. These past few days had just been too much in too many ways. Too many things had pushed him towards the edge of panic and, though he’d been drawn back again and again, his control was too shaky, too thin. Sam shuddered and clenched his hands as tight as he could, his fingers unconsciously digging into the old scar on his hand. “It doesn’t matter.”

“ _Sammy_.”

That one word, said in Dean’s voice, almost broke him. “ _It doesn’t matter_.” Sam repeated. His voice sounded harsh, even to his own ears. Yet he couldn’t stop it. His lungs felt too tight and his heart was starting to pound. Sam knew what was coming – he could feel it in every inch of him. There was no stopping this one. He needed to get the hell out of here was what he needed. He needed to be somewhere that no one could see him. Somewhere that he could _breathe_.

One thing that apparently hadn’t changed with his switch in universes was his brother’s ability to read him. Even if his Dean wasn’t that great at it right now, caught up in his own shit, the person he’d been before – the one that Sam saw so much of in this Dean here – had always been an expert. Dean took one look at Sam and knew instantly what he needed and then set about making damn sure he got it. “All right.” He said softly. “All right, Sammy.” His eyes met Sam’s, most likely able to see the barely leashed panic there, and he nodded. Just one single nod.

That was all Sam needed. In a flash he was up from the couch and _gone_. Habit and instinct carried him towards the bedroom area of the bunker. Only when he’d almost reached for the doorknob to his room did he remember that this wasn’t technically _his_ room. This room belonged to the other Sam. It wasn’t his. There was no safe haven in there. No locks and wards that he’d put up to keep him safe. No protection against anything. That was in a different room, one that was in an entirely different hall too far away from here for him to be able to make it.

Sam sucked in a breath as he felt the memories creeping up on him. He didn’t think too hard about what he did next. He needed to hide – _now_.

Stumbling away from the other Sam’s room, he grabbed the first door he came across that was empty in his own world. Without paying any sort of attention, Sam stumbled inside, snapping it shut behind him. He was barely in when he dropped down to his knees. Sam’s chest was tight and air was wheezing in and out of his lungs.

It tasted like sulfur and ash, yet so damn cold, like it’d been frozen over.

_Not real, not real, not real_.

Sam fought the flashback as hard as he’d ever done. At one point in time this sensation had been far too familiar and he’d had plenty of practice at holding it off. That practice was the only thing that had allowed him to get away from everyone and back here before it took him over. Sam had dealt with it so many damn times. Not this bad, not for a long time, but it wasn’t really that surprising that this had finally happened. Sam had been on edge ever since he came here. Really, he’d been on edge since before that. Since Gadreel. A panic attack of this magnitude had just been waiting to kick in. This had only served as the catalyst for it.

Sam’s arms wrapped around his waist and he bent over until his forehead was pressing against the ground. It made it harder to breathe and yet left him feeling safer at the same time. He couldn’t… he couldn’t do this! He couldn’t talk about this and share it all with them and have them look at him that way. He couldn’t think about the Cage. _But you have to_ , his brain reminded him. _You’re going to have to go there. You’re going to have to go back._

Those words had Sam’s panic kicking even higher and left him sucking in air desperately even as his stomach rolled and he felt himself begin to retch.

It was the worst panic attack that Sam had suffered in so damn long.

He hated this. Hated the helpless feeling that came with a panic attack. They always made him feel weak. Made him feel like he wasn’t himself anymore. No matter what he’d learned about them or all the books or doctors or everything that told him that it was normal and happened to plenty of people, none of it stopped him from feeling so fucking weak. It was like he became someone else. Like he took a backseat in his mind as the panic took over and made him into someone that he hated, someone that had been created in the Cage. Someone broken.

Someone pathetic.

Sam registered the door opening and felt his sense of embarrassment grow when he realized that Dean had found him and he was going to see him like this. The younger Winchester always hated it when anyone saw him this way, even Dean.

But when gentle hands gathered his hair back from his face, it wasn't Dean’s hands that did it. They were too small and too soft to be Dean’s.

Sam didn’t get a chance for his panic to grow. He knew who it was just a second later when he heard a snap and the vomit on the ground was gone, an empty bucket in its place. “You’re all right, kiddo.” Gabriel’s voice said warmly, right next to his ear. The archangel pressed in close until Sam could easily feel that he was kneeling right beside him, offering comfort without smothering him. “Just let it out. Let it out, Sammy.”

But Sam couldn’t. He couldn’t accept the offer of comfort that Gabriel was giving him. As he knelt there caught between the past and the present, he was more aware than normal of just how wrong he was, how dirty he must be in comparison to something so amazing and pure. That knowledge had him leaning away from Gabriel’s touch. “Don’t.” He said hoarsely. “Don’t. I don’t… I don’t deserve it.”

“Yes, you do.” Gabriel said, his voice soft and yet firm, like iron coated in silk.

Even as Gabriel was saying it, Sam was shaking his head. “No, no, no.” The nausea was churning in his gut again and his chest hurt – God, it hurt! – from how hard he was trying to breathe, but he couldn’t stop the words that bubbled up. Couldn’t keep them inside. “I’m not, I’m not good. I’m not.” A bitter, aching laugh escaped him and he bowed low, curling his arms tighter around his own stomach. “I don’t… you shouldn’t touch me. I’m, I’m not a good person, Gabriel. I’m not. Your Sam, he… he helped save the world. I destroyed ours. Over and over again I’ve destroyed ours.” Another of those laughs escaped, sounding more like a sob. “Do you have any idea how many ways I’ve messed up? No, of course you don’t. That name Michael gave me – I’m everything it implies. He was right.”

“ _Sam_.” Pain rang clear to hear in Gabriel’s voice. He reached out, but Sam flinched away from him. The hunter could see as Gabriel curled his fingers in like he was physically fighting grabbing hold of Sam anyways. The flinch didn’t stop him from continuing to speak, though. “You’re nothing like that. You’re not. You’re beautiful and amazing and so much more than that. You took on my brother and won.”

Aching, Sam closed his eyes. He wished he could believe that. But Gabriel didn’t know. He had no idea. “You don’t know the things I’ve done.”

“Then tell me.”

Three simple words. A request that was nowhere near as simple as the archangel made it sound. And as much as it pained Sam, he couldn’t deny him.

He told him.

With his eyes closed and his body clenched in tight against the pain of retelling and the pain that he knew was coming, Sam told Gabriel everything while he knelt there on the hard, cold floor. Not just the things that had happened since the apocalypse ended – no, Sam told him _everything_. Because he knew there was a good chance that there were other things in his life and this Sam’s life that were different. So Sam told it all. For the first time he laid out his story for someone to hear and he didn’t spare a single detail. Every single gritty bit of his life was laid out in aching words from a man who was far more broken than he’d ever let anyone see before.

By the time he was done, his voice was hoarse and he felt exhausted and raw.

Silence reigned around them. Sam kept his head bowed, shoulders slumped under the weight of his life and of his mistakes. The panic attack that had brought him in here was gone. His storytelling had purged him of pretty much everything. He sat there, broken and too tired to put up his usual walls, and just waited. Waited for what he knew was coming. Waited for the fury or disgust every angel directed his way. Waited for Gabriel to walk away.

So sure was he of Gabriel’s reaction, when it finally came it stunned him completely. A firm hand closed over Sam’s shoulder and he was sure he was going to be shoved away or thrown into a wall or something else. He would’ve deserved it. Yet Gabriel did none of those. He tightened his grip on Sam’s shoulder and used it to yank him close.

Sam couldn’t move as he found himself wrapped up tight in Gabriel’s arms. He could barely _breathe_. Gabriel wasn’t yelling at him. He wasn’t hurting him. He was… _hugging_ him. Sam floundered, unsure of what to do. He was frozen like a statue in Gabriel’s arms. If his hug was shocking, though, his next words were even more so. “Sam Winchester, you are one of the most amazing human beings I’ve ever seen.”

The words stunned him. He opened his mouth to argue, to plead, to do _something_ , only to be cut off.

“No, don’t you dare argue me.” Gabriel growled against his hair. He pulled Sam in even closer and almost spilled into the hunter’s lap. Somehow they ended up with Sam sitting flat on the ground, Gabriel straddling his waist and holding Sam’s upper half tight against a deceptively soft body. “You are an utterly magnificent human being. You think all of that’s gonna scare me away? It just shows me how damn awesome you are. How _strong_. Everything in your life keeps trying to knock you on your ass and drag you down and you just keep getting up and fighting. It’s amazing. _You’re_ amazing.”

The words reached down into the dark places in Sam that had felt empty and cold for too damn long. They reached in and poured warmth into him that Sam wasn’t strong enough to fight against. He screwed his eyes shut tight, trying not to cry, not to let the burning tears free. Burying his face against Gabriel’s neck, he choked out the angel’s name. “Gabriel.”

“Shh.” Gabriel brought one hand up from Sam’s back to cup the back of his head. Gentle fingers threaded through Sam’s hair. “I’ve got you, kiddo. You’ve held all that in for a long time, haven’t you? Let it go, Sammy. I got you. Just let it go.”

There was no way Sam could do anything else. He was too open, too exposed. The walls he always kept up were gone. For so long Sam had convinced himself that he was okay. That he could be okay. He just had to keep pushing on, keep going, keep telling everyone that he was fine, and maybe one day he’d actually feel that way. But here, with Gabriel holding on to him and whispering to him how beautiful he was, how amazing, how strong he was, Sam couldn’t stop the tears. They poured down his cheeks and soaked the collar of Gabriel’s shirt.

When the first sob tore free, Sam tried to pull back, tried to curl in on himself. Gabriel wouldn’t let him. He kept Sam tight in the circle of his arms and kept him from running. “Let it out, Samshine. It’s okay. Just let it go.”

Let it go Sam did. Held by someone strong enough to keep him together, hidden in a place that actually felt safe, Sam let it all go, crying the tears he felt like he’d been holding in his whole life. The tears that he’d shoved back ever since he was a child and his father had taught him that real men didn’t cry.

Sam cried until there was nothing left in him anymore. And when the tears were gone, when his body was slumped against Gabriel’s, he didn’t have it in him to even attempt to protest as Gabriel snapped his fingers and Sam suddenly found himself lying down on something very, very soft. All the hunter could do was roll in just the slightest bit towards the warm body that was still half wrapped around him. In response, Gabriel’s arms drew him in, holding him even closer, until Sam’s head was pillowed against Gabriel’s chest and the rest of their bodies were twined together. “Go to sleep, Sammy.” Gabriel murmured against his hair. “I gotcha, kiddo. Just go to sleep.”

There was no heartbeat in the chest underneath Sam’s ear, but there was the soft sound of something else, the steady hum of the power that sat inside this vessel. Sam let the sound of it soothe him down into the comforting darkness of sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

When Sam woke up later, he wasn't sure if it was still night or if it was morning, or even really where he was. He could feel a warm, solid body pressed up against his back, practically draped over him, and it should've been scary, it should've been terrifying – but Sam felt safer and more comfortable than he had in a long time.

There was no sense of disorientation. He knew what had happened before he'd gone to sleep and he knew who he'd gone to sleep with. Sure, he didn't really have much memory of getting in bed, but he knew who he'd been with before he'd gone to sleep and he knew, though how he knew he wasn't quite sure, that Gabriel wouldn’t have just left him alone after all of that.

Reminders of just what he'd done last night were enough to have Sam burying his face back into his pillow and trying to hide from the world a bit. Behind him, against his shoulder, he felt more than heard Gabriel chuckle. If felt like the archangel was mostly lying on Sam's back, with his face pressed against the back of Sam's shoulder. Their legs were tangled together a bit and one of Gabriel's arms was tucked under Sam with his hand pressed flat over Sam's heart. The other one was up with his fingers curled over the shoulder that Gabriel wasn't laying on. It was a strange and intimate position and yet Sam didn't mind in the least.

“How you feelin', kiddo?” Gabriel murmured.

Sam kept his face squished down into the pillow and thought about his answer before he spoke. “Okay.” He finally settled on. Oddly enough, it wasn't a lie. He did feel a little bit better. Not perfect, no. Tired still, a bit sore, and beyond embarrassed. Other than that he felt just a little bit lighter than he could remember feeling in, well, he didn't know how long. Apparently when people said talking was good for the soul, they weren't lying. Sam had never opened up to someone quite as much as he'd opened up to Gabriel last night. He'd shared more than just simple memories with him; he'd shared quite a few of his feelings as well. And Gabriel hadn't chased him away or freaked out on him or hit him or anything like that.

The hand on his shoulder gave a soft stroke down the length of his arm and back up again. There was nothing to the gesture, though that kind of surprised Sam. This seemed like the type of situation that the trickster wouldn't be able to resist throwing a bit of flirting or innuendo into. Yet he wasn't doing anything but lying there over Sam's back like it was the most natural thing in the world. Sam was terrified by how natural it felt to him, too. _You can’t have this,_ he told himself, pain leaking in. _This isn’t yours. You’ll go back home and he’s still going to be here._

“You're thinking too hard.” Gabriel murmured.

Instantly, Sam tensed. “You're not...”

“I'm not in your head, no. I wouldn't do that without permission, Sam.”

The seriousness of Gabriel's words, the fact that he said them without any qualifiers or teasing, had Sam relaxing back down into the bed. He laid there for a minute, contemplating everything. “This doesn't make sense.” He finally said, his voice so soft he wasn't even sure Gabriel would hear it. “I don't know why I trust you so much. I wasn't close with my version of you, and I've only known _you_ for not even a week. Why do I trust you so much?”

He felt as Gabriel shifted around a little. He didn't climb off Sam, though, and the hunter ignored his own relief at that. “Honestly?” Gabriel said, rubbing his cheek against Sam's shirt. “I don't really know. After how bad I scared you yesterday, I was surprised you let me this close.” A hint of teasing crept into his voice. “But once you went to sleep, you sort of latched on and burrowed in.”

Sam was grateful the position he was in didn't allow Gabriel to see his blush. “I've always done that in my sleep. Used to drive Dean crazy when he was stuck bunking with me. And it used to make Jess laugh.” The years had gone by enough that Sam could remember that about Jess without the heart clenching pain it used to bring. He smiled a little and then chuckled. “I did it to Bobby once when I was a kid.”

He felt Gabriel's low laugh. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. I was like, twelve or something and sick, and Bobby was staying with me at the motel while Dean went to go get something.” Their Dad had been on a hunt at the time. With Sam sick, pretty badly, Dean had called in Bobby for some backup and the old hunter had come and stayed with them and helped to nurse Sam back to health. “Bobby says I latched on once I went out and then tried to tuck myself under his back. Dean has a picture of it somewhere. He laughed so hard he woke me up.”

“You guys are disgustingly adorable sometimes.”

Quiet fell over them again and Sam was content to just lay there and let it fall around them. He wasn't sure how long they laid there before he found his voice again. But it seemed so comfortable, so easy, it made it a little bit easier to say his next words. “Thank you, Gabriel. An I'm...”

“If you finish that sentence with 'sorry'.” Gabriel interrupted. “I'm not responsible for my actions.”

That startled a surprised laugh out of Sam.

Nuzzling in again, Gabriel used the hand that was under Sam to give him a small half hug. “You've got nothing to apologize for. Last night – I get the feeling that was a long time coming. I'm pretty damn honored that you'd trust me enough to let go with me like that. There's nothing you have to feel sorry about. If anything, I want to say it to you.”

What was he talking about? Why on earth did Gabriel feel the need to say sorry to _Sam_? He’d been nothing but nice since Sam had come here.

This conversation was getting far too serious and Sam couldn’t keep himself still anymore. He shifted his body and Gabriel moved easily, lifting up enough to allow Sam to roll over. He ended up on his back, only a little propped up by pillows, with Gabriel propped up on one arm right against his side. The archangel was looking down at him with that serious look that still threw Sam to see there. There was so much emotion in his eyes it took the hunter’s breath away.

With the hand that wasn’t holding him up, Gabriel reached up and brushed a tiny bit of Sam’s hair off his forehead, letting his fingers trail softly down Sam’s cheek. “I'm sorry your world was so much harder than this one. I’m sorry the other me didn’t pull his head out of his ass fast enough to be able to help you. Mostly, though, I'm sorry you ever had to go through anything like that. I know you seem to think it's all your fault or some such bullshit like that, but whatever crimes you've committed, you've paid for a thousand times over. You gotta stop punishing yourself, sweetheart.”

The endearment at the end was just a soft whisper that Sam felt echo through him. Emotion clogged Sam's throat. He couldn't speak around it at first, could only swallow a few times until it felt like he could breathe a little more normally. When he spoke, his voice was lower, just a bit husky. “I don't know how.”

The sound that Gabriel made was soft and achingly sad. He cupped Sam’s cheek, his thumb stroking lightly over his skin. “I know.”

What happened next seemed almost inevitable. Sam wasn’t sure which one of them moved; if he moved up or Gabriel leaned down, or if it was both. But when their lips connected it was in one of the sweetest kisses. Sam’s hands came up and one anchored on Gabriel’s arm, curling over his bicep, while the other came up to cup the archangel’s cheek. The kiss seemed the most perfect thing in that moment. Everything else, all the pain and fear and panic, all of it faded away. Sam closed his eyes and sighed into it. The kiss was more than just a kiss. It was soft and sweet and full of the emotion that neither one of them seemed able to put into words.

When they broke apart, Sam’s eyes fluttered open and he couldn’t seem to find any words to say in the face of the heat and emotion that was staring down at him.

This time it was definitely Gabriel who moved, leaning back in and using his hand on Sam’s face to pull him close once more. Not that he needed to work hard at that. Sam arched up into it and met Gabriel’s lips eagerly. He forgot about his earlier worries or the reminders he’d been trying to give himself that this was a stupid idea.

This kiss was deeper, carrying a hint of heat that only intensified the emotion. All thought drained from Sam’s mind.

When the two finally broke apart for the second time, Sam was gasping for air yet still trying to lean back in, to pull Gabriel back to him. The archangel only partially complied. He let Sam’s hands curl around his hip and his back, drawing him in enough that he was stretched out over top the hunter, a pleasant weight on him. But when Sam tried to kiss him again, Gabriel just pressed their foreheads together. “Sweetheart, we gotta stop.”

Those words were like a bucket of cold water. Sam’s hands froze and so did the rest of him just seconds before he started to draw back. _He doesn’t want me. Idiot! Of course he doesn’t want me!_

Gabriel must’ve realized how Sam had taken his words because he pressed more of his weight down onto Sam and he moved his arms so that he could cup Sam’s face between his hands. “No, Sam. Whatever you’re thinking, I swear that’s not what I meant.” Bending his head just a bit, he brushed his lips lightly over Sam’s. “I want this, Sam. I want _you_.”

There was a tiny little fear nestled in Sam’s heart. One that had been just an idea before and now, in the face of this thing that was happening here, with Gabriel pulling back, that thought flared up and grew into a fear that left Sam feeling kind of sick. “You don’t.” He whispered. Blinking his eyes, trying to chase away the burning in them, he let out a breath that was a shudder. “You love Sam. This Sam.”

To his credit, Gabriel didn’t deny it. He didn’t just dismiss the words outright. Sam was beginning to realize that this version of Gabriel could be startling blunt and honest sometimes. “I do.” A corner of his mouth quirked up. “But he doesn’t love me. He’s got his girl and they’re pretty damn happy.” Gabriel’s hands kept Sam from turning away at that. They held him in place so that he was forced to look at Gabriel, to watch as the archangel continued to speak. “I know you’re not him, Sam. For as much as you two are alike, you’re different too. I can see that. I’m not using you as a substitution. But if we went on, that’s what you’d always think.” He felt Gabriel’s breath against his lips and it tasted so sweet. Little crinkles appeared at the corners of Gabriel’s eyes as he smiled. “I want to do this right. I think we both deserve that.” He pressed another whisper soft kiss against Sam’s lips. “Besides, you’re worth more than a quick roll in the hay to me, Sammy.”

Something inside of Sam felt like it was being broke open. This was everything he’d ever wanted, with someone he hadn’t even known he wanted, and knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to keep it, that he wasn’t going to be able to have even this memory to hold on to, was almost too much. He wanted to say all of that to Gabriel. He wanted to tell him that they didn’t have time to ‘do this right’. They didn’t have time for anything more than the quick roll in the hay that Gabriel had mentioned.

Before he could, Gabriel tilted his head and nuzzled his nose against Sam’s, their lips brushing together again in a gesture so soft it couldn’t even be called a kiss. “I need you to trust me a little, Sam. Can you do that for me?”

“I do.” Sam curled his fingers in tight over Gabriel’s hip, his other hand flattening out on the archangel’s back. It was so strange to admit it out loud yet he knew that his words were true. He trusted Gabriel. Last night had showed that.

His words had Gabriel’s smile growing. “Then trust that I’ve got a plan, okay? Trust me to take care of you, Samshine”

The nickname had Sam's heart doing little flip flops inside of his chest. “Okay.” He could grant him that. He would trust Gabriel for now and hope that, when this was all said and done, somehow he had the strength to survive. He’d take whatever Gabriel gave him and be grateful for it. The memories he made would hold him and give him strength through what was waiting for him at home.

* * *

Those words were still echoing within Sam as he and Gabriel finally made their way out of the bedroom. Gabriel had refused to explain it further, claiming that he only wanted to say it all once, and so Sam was left with no alternative but to let the archangel drag him up out of bed. He appreciated it when Gabriel snapped and gave him a clean set of clothes. He also used a little bit of healing grace to help wash away the physical signs of Sam's crying jag.

When they reached the kitchen, Dean and Castiel were seated at the table drinking coffee together. Dean looked up the minute they came in and Sam watched as his brother looked him over for any obvious signs of injury. Only when he was sure that Sam was physically okay did he look up at his face. “Hey, Sammy.”

“Hey.” Sam couldn't help how he blushed a little. Not just because of how close he and Gabriel were standing, or the interested way the two were looking at them, but also because he remembered clearly how he'd been the last time he'd seen these two.

Castiel gave him a gentle smile, as if understanding Sam's discomfort.

True to form, Gabriel didn't look the least bit bothered by anything. He used one hand to steer Sam over to the table and down into a chair and then he dropped down into one beside him. A snap brought up a mug of coffee for Sam and a mug of something for Gabriel. “So,” The archangel said, wasting no time. He flashed a grin at them. “I think it’s time we all had a little talk.”

“Why do I suddenly have an extremely bad feeling?” Dean asked dryly.

To his surprise, Sam found himself chuckling. “Because it’s Gabriel talking?”

The archangel in question shoved at Sam with his elbow, making Sam both grunt and grin. "Hey!"

"What?" Sam asked innocently.

Dean was looking back and forth between them, this little furow building between his eyebrows, and Sam knew that look well. He knew his brother was seeing things about them and slowly piecing them together. At the moment that wasn't a conversation that Sam really wanted to have. Or, you know, _ever_. He wasn't the least bit ashamed of quickly getting them back onto topic before Dean started one of his famous interrogations. "You said you had a plan, Gabriel. What is it?"

“What would you say if I told you I had a way for Michael to help you home without his grace ever touching you?”

The one thing that terrified Sam the most about accepting Michael’s help was the idea of having to be touched by his grace. After Sam’s confessions last night, Gabriel had to know that. Sam had told enough about the Cage without getting into any real detail. Enough for Gabriel to know that it hadn’t been just Lucifer who’d hurt him. Beyond that, Sam hadn’t wanted to taint the images that the archangel had of his brothers. Now Gabriel was sitting here looking at him with that soft smile of his, offering up a solution to the biggest problem Sam had that stood between him and getting back home.

“Seriously?” Dean asked incredulously, when it looked like Sam might not speak.

Gabriel's grin grew a little. “Yep.”

After exchanging a brief look with Castiel, Dean turned back to Gabriel. “And you didn’t mention it before – why?”

Sam watched as Gabriel shrugged. “Cause it wasn’t a possibility before.”

“What’re you talking about?” Dean asked.

However, Sam could see something on Castiel's face, a sort of dawning look of comprehension, and the hunter knew that Castiel understood whatever it was his brother was getting at. “Brother...” The seraph said slowly.

Instead of continuing to explain to the others, Gabriel turned himself so that he could look at Sam. Reaching out underneath the table, he laid a hand on Sam’s thigh. “I wasn’t keeping things from you, sweetheart. This wasn’t exactly a possibility before. But, in light of certain things, I’m starting to think it’s our best choice.”

“That was disturbingly vague.” Sam couldn’t help but point out. It hadn’t escaped his notice that Gabriel hadn’t really explained anything.

“He’s good at that.” Dean said. Leaning forward to rest his arms on the table, he glared over at Gabriel. “Quit milking the moment, you drama queen, and tell us the plan.”

Beside him, Castiel put a quelling hand on his arm. “Dean.”

"I can take you home myself." Gabriel said, bringing all eyes back to him. "With a bit of grace-boost from Michael, I can get you back home."

But again, Sam noticed a little more than the others. With as intently as he was studying Gabriel's face, he saw the flash of something there, this hint of something that he couldn't quite name, and it made him just a bit wary. This wasn’t just Gabriel milking the moment. This was… there was something more here. Something that Sam had a feeling he wasn’t going to like. _Isn’t there always_? Sam sighed and asked the question they really should learn to ask about everything. “What’s the catch?”

The way that Gabriel smiled at him then was almost proud, yet slightly sad. “If your version of me isn’t actually dead, the universe won’t know what to do with two beings like us. It’s not the same as it is for you. You’re human. So long as we kept you away from this Sam, you were fine. But the universe isn’t made to hold two of the same archangel. If he’s alive and you don’t know it…”

“It’ll kill you.” Sam said, horrified. “Gabriel, no.”

Gabriel smiled sadly at him. “You’d be fine. You might drop kind of hard, but you’d be okay.”

“So? _You_ wouldn’t be!”

“I want to do this, Sammy.” Gabriel reached up and cupped Sam’s cheek with one hand. His eyes were ancient in that moment and full of an emotion that Sam had never imagined would be turned his way, one that he was too terrified to name. “It’s the right thing to do here. Not just for you, but for all of us. Especially after everything you told us yesterday about your brother. You, your world, you both need me. You need me a lot more than anyone here does.”

It was like the others in the kitchen had vanished. It was just the two of them staring at one another, this giant thing sitting right there between them, “What if the other you is alive somewhere?” Sam asked. “What if he’s just been hiding all this time, keeping out of things?”

“Then at least we tried. That’s better than staying here and spending eternity wondering ‘what if’.” The small smile that Gabriel wore grew just a little, twisting at the edges into a more familiar smirk, one without the sharp edge. It was almost, affectionate. “Have a little faith.”

Hearing those words come from Gabriel was enough to have Sam snorting out a laugh. He couldn’t hold on to that humor, though. Not in the face of what Gabriel was suggesting. “I can… I can handle dealing with Michael. I can do it, Gabriel.”

Gabriel closed his eyes for just a second. When he opened them again, they stayed fixed on Sam as the archangel used his hold on Sam’s cheek to draw him down until they were once more forehead to forehead, just as they’d been back in bed. “I know you can, sweetheart. But you don’t have to. This is what I want to do.” His thumb stroked over the apple of Sam's cheek and a light flashed in his eyes. “For me, it's very much worth it, Sam. Don't ever doubt that.”

There was no way he was saying what Sam thought he was. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Sam shook his head in silent denial. “I’m not him, Gabriel.”

The hand on Sam’s cheek slid up and those fingers threaded through his hair. They gave little tugs that sent shivers down Sam’s spine and grounded him in a strange sort of way. “Trust me, sweetheart. I’m very clear on that.”

Sam wanted to believe here – he wanted to hope. It was like everything that he could want was being handed to him on a silver platter and, oh God, he wanted to accept it. He wanted to grab on with both hands and never let go. But when had anything like this ever truly worked out for them? When had anything good come without a ton of bad to follow it? What if they tried this and the other Gabriel _was_ alive and it killed this one? What if they made it and later on down the road Gabriel discovered that he didn’t actually like this Sam all that much? Sam shuddered at the thought.  “You barely even know me.” He whispered.

“I will.”

“Dean's going to make your life hell. I can't even guarantee he won't try to shoot you.”

Gabriel's grin turned sharp. “Sounds like fun.”

Laughter bubbled up Sam’s throat. He felt that hope starting to grow a little more. “You're insane.”

“It's been said.”

The hope kept growing, filling him up, pushing at him. He wanted to let it, but, dammit, he was so afraid. “Be sure about this, Gabe.” The words were torn from Sam, soft and low and aching. “Be very, very sure. There’s… there’s no going back. If this turns out wrong…”

Gabriel leaned in and brushed his lips against Sam’s, not even caring about the audience that was watching them so raptly. “Then at least we know we tried. Like I said, Sammy. Have a little faith.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, guys, weekend's over, so the next chapter (the last chapter) won't be out same day like all the other ones have. Give me a day or two to get it polished up, okay? An thank you so much for your kudos and comments! They're lovely and they really help motivate :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I thought I only had one chap left. Apparently not. Here's this one an there should be another one, MAYBE two left. I'm pretty sure. :D

Of course, saying that was their plan didn’t mean that it was all going to be easy. Their first trouble came the minute the two pulled back from one another. They’d forgotten almost entirely about Dean and Castiel while they were talking. Now that they pulled apart and weren’t so focused on each other, they were abruptly reminded of the presence of others.

“You have got to be kidding me.” Dean snapped, drawing their eyes right to him. He was sitting up straight in his seat and glaring at – Sam. He was glaring at _Sam_. The younger Winchester didn’t quite understand it and he floundered a little, not sure what to do. Dean sneered a little and then turned to look at Gabriel. “You’re planning on universe jumping, potentially getting yourself freaking _killed_ , and for what? For a guy you’ve known barely a week who just happens to be kind of like my brother? Do you realize how crazy that sounds?”

Castiel nodded his agreement. He wasn’t glaring at Sam like Dean was, but his eyes were bright and intense as they fixed on Gabriel. “He is right, brother. This is foolish. While I understand your emotions, you must not let them cloud your judgment. He is not…”

“I suggest you think before finishing that, Castiel.” Gabriel warned him in a low voice. He didn’t look amused anymore. His expression had gone flat and his eyes flashed with a hint of threat that none of them could miss.

Except, apparently, Dean.

“ _You_ need to think!” Dean said sharply. He sat up a little straighter and gestured towards Sam with one hand. “He may be an alternate version of my brother, but he’s not our Sammy.”

Gabriel sneered at him. “I’m quite clear on that, thanks.”

“Are you?” Dean asked. “Are you really? Cause it sure as hell looks to me like you’re getting a bit confused.”

Quiet fell over the kitchen as the two men locked eyes. In that moment, Sam realized that Dean wasn’t blind; he knew how Gabriel felt about the Sam here. His worries were the same exact ones that Sam had voiced to Gabriel earlier. Only, Gabriel didn’t seem to take it as well coming from Dean as he had when Sam had voiced it. “Trust me, Winchester, I can tell the differences between two people.” Then he abruptly gentled just the slightest bit, the lines of his face softening into a look that was both fond and understanding. “I get your worry, I do, an I appreciate it. But you gotta realize something here, Deano. You seem to forget sometimes that we’re _angels_. We see the world differently than you do. When you look at Sam here,” He gestured towards Sam with one hand and then laid that hand on Sam’s leg, a silent support. “You see a body that looks almost identical to the Sam you know. But me? I can see the soul inside. Most of the time that’s what I see first if I don’t keep my sight dialed down.”

That was enough to have Sam perking up a bit. Wait a second… “I thought angels couldn’t see souls.”  He remembered clearly how Castiel hadn’t realized that Sam was soulless until he’d reached in and felt around for it.

Gabriel turned his head just enough to flash a smirk at Sam. He gave Sam’s leg a little squeeze. “Most can’t. Archangels, however, _can_.”

So, this whole time Gabriel had been able to see his _soul_? The idea of that left Sam sick. If Gabriel was able to see his soul, why on earth had he actually talked to him? Sam could only imagine how his soul would look to him. Everything he’d been through, everything he’d done, it had to have left its marks. Why on earth would Gabriel want to be anywhere near it?

Either reading Sam’s face or catching more of his thoughts than Sam was comfortable with, the archangel turned a little more to better face Sam. “Hey.” He squeezed Sam’s thigh again, a little firmer this time. “I don’t have to peek in your head to know what you’re thinking here, or to know that it’s wrong. You’ve got an amazing soul, Sam. Everything that’s happened to you has only made it brighter. Who you are is amazing, and don’t you ever let anyone convince you otherwise.” He smiled and leaned in, ignoring Sam’s blush to give him a quick kiss. Then he turned back to the others. “This isn’t a decision I’ve made lightly, guys. There’s a lot that went behind it. I won’t deny that there’s a big part of me that’s doing this for the giant moose here. But I’m doing it for other reasons, too. Big reasons. I told you guys yesterday what they’re facing in Sammy’s world. If it’s not fixed, it threatens all of us, and they’ve got no one there with the strength to help them fix that. But I can.”

“So you’re just gonna, what?” Dean demanded. “Leave behind your friends and your family to go clean up someone else’s mess? That’s great, Gabe. Real freaking great!” With a furious snarl, Dean pushed up from the table and stormed out of the room.

Gabriel gave a soft sigh. Then he patted Sam’s leg before letting go. “Give me a minute, kiddo.”

“Go ahead.” Sam told him.

The room was quiet after he left. Sam shifted awkwardly in his seat, well aware that Castiel was still sitting there staring at him. The angel wasn’t saying anything – he was just sitting there and staring at Sam with a look that left the hunter feeling a bit too open and exposed. It wouldn't surprise Sam if Castiel was unhappy with him. Why wouldn't he be? Sam was essentially taking away his brother. Not just taking him away, but taking him to a place where Castiel wouldn’t be able to see him again – and where Gabriel might be killed. The trip itself could kill him if the Gabriel in Sam's world was still alive. Even if he wasn't, even if Gabriel survived the trip just fine, there were so many things that could still kill him. Sam's world was an absolute mess. What on earth was he thinking, agreeing to take the archangel with him? How much could happen to him over there?

The whole time that Sam sat there working himself up, Castiel kept quiet, just watching him. It wasn't until Sam's heart started to pound and his chest felt a little tight that the seraph finally spoke up. "You care for my brother."

There was no reason for Sam to deny it. Not after all this. "Yes." Clenching his hands down in his lap, Sam tried to focus on keeping calm and keeping his breathing under control. "I know it doesn't make sense. I barely knew the Gabriel in my world and I can't say that I really know this one a bunch. I haven't been here that long. But, yes. I care for him a lot." Too much. Way too much. More than he knew what to do with.

One thing Sam was looking forward to about going home was the hope of maybe getting all these strange feelings under control. He didn't think that what he felt around Gabriel would go away, and honestly, he didn't want it to. He liked the way the archangel made him feel. But the rest of it? The panic attacks and this shaky, broken feeling that seemed to be pulling at him all the time? Those he could live without. It wasn't like that back home. There, he had to be strong, and so he was. He didn't have time to feel like this or be like this. Nor, he admitted privately to himself, did he have anywhere safe to do it. Not anymore. Maybe that's what got to him so much about here. Maybe it was all showing because, for the first time in a long time, he was around people who he felt would help hold him up. Who wouldn't mock him or turn him away just because he was weak for a little while. The Dean here was like the brighter side of his brother back home and it called to Sam in a way, made him want to relax his guard and open up as he'd once been able to.

When Sam looked up, he found Castiel still staring at him, not even having moved while Sam went through his internal panic.

"You mean a lot to Gabriel." Castiel finally said, speaking slowly, choosing his words carefully. "He is greatly attached to you already. I... this is the happiest that I have seen him since before the Fall. You make his grace shine. I cannot find it in me to be upset with you over that. I do not want to lose my brother, but I believe that this is the course of action that is best for him. Angels exist to be needed, Samuel. To be loved. I believe Gabriel will find that with you, in your world, in a way he has not been able to here."

There was a lump of something in Sam's throat that stole away his ability to speak. He couldn’t hold Castiel's gaze, either, those too bright blue eyes full of so much emotion it took his breath away. It took a few tries for him to get his throat clear enough to be able to speak. "It'd be safer for him here."

To his surprise, when Sam flicked his gaze up he found Castiel smiling at him. "Gabriel has never been known to do what is considered safest."

Wasn't that the truth? Even running away from home hadn't been to keep himself safe. If anything, he'd put himself more at risk by doing that. No, safe was not a word that Sam would apply to Gabriel, at least not like that. Yet, in other ways, it was exactly what he was. Exactly what he felt like to Sam. _Safe._

* * *

It took almost twenty minutes before Gabriel returned to Sam. The hunter knew he was coming before he arrived when Castiel suddenly gave a soft "Excuse me" and vanished. Not even seconds later, Gabriel appeared. Only he didn't land on the seat beside Sam. He landed sitting on the table, right in front of Sam. Luckily for them both Sam was holding on to his coffee instead of cradling it on the table like he had been before.

Or, he was. No sooner had Gabriel landed than he was taking the cup right out of Sam's hands and setting it aside. He wasted no more time before slipping forward and dropping off of the table to spill down into Sam's lap, straddling him and putting their faces just inches apart. Sam wanted to protest but found himself grinning instead. Apparently whatever this thing was between them, it made Gabriel quite a bit touchier. Not that Sam was going to complain. He'd always been the touching kind of person even if he hadn't been around people who liked to indulge him in that.

Gabriel smiled right back at him. Bringing his arms up, he wound them around Sam's neck, anchoring himself a little more. "Hey there, handsome. Fancy meeting you here."

That had Sam snorting. He brought his own hands up to curl them over Gabriel's hips. "How'd everything with Dean go?"

"Better." Gabriel's fingers started to toy with the ends of Sam's hair, twisting and twirling it. "He's still not happy, but he gets that it's my choice. He won't like it but he'll deal with it."

"He doesn't handle losing people well. Especially when they're family."

If Gabriel heard the guilt in Sam's tone, he didn't comment on it. "He'll have Cassie here to help him. And the other you. He won't be alone." A corner of Gabriel’s mouth quirked up, just a hint of a smile that seemed more honest than an outright grin. “He’ll be fine.”

This, all of it, it was so much more than Sam had ever thought he would have. It was almost too much. He didn’t know how to deal with this. He had no idea what he should say here or what he should even do. There were different parts of him warring – the part of him that wanted to insist Gabriel not do this, not give all this up, not put himself at risk, and the part of him that wanted to selfishly clutch at the being in his lap and never let go.

However, Sam said nothing of what he was thinking inside. He’d had way too much ‘caring and sharing’, as Dean would put it. _It’s time to stop wallowing,_ Sam told himself. _Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It’s not going to get you anything. Gabriel can make his own decisions._ He wasn’t forcing the archangel into doing this. In fact, he’d argued against it, quite vehemently. He’d made sure that Gabriel knew that he didn’t want to risk him. If still Gabriel wanted to do this, then it was his own choice and Sam was going to respect it. He was going to be grateful for it. Maybe, just maybe, this would be the thing they needed to help them win back home. Having an archangel on their side, one who was also a trickster, and who would be the only archangel on Earth and in Heaven in Sam’s world, that was a pretty damn good thing.

When Sam cleared away his thoughts and once more _looked_ at Gabriel, he found that the tiny smile had been replaced with a more amused smirk. “It’s settling in, isn’t it?” Gabriel asked him, one eyebrow arching up.

“What?”

“Just how awesome I am and how much fun we’re gonna have.”

The smug, pleased tone to Gabriel’s voice had Sam shaking his head even as he chuckled. Just what on earth was he getting himself into here? “Fighting Abaddon and Metatron, reopening Heaven, getting all the angels back home, dealing with all the factions that have built, _and_ getting this whole Mark business dealt with – that’s fun to you?” Pausing, Sam snorted. That was a stupid question to ask. “What am I saying? Of course it is.”

“Now you’re getting it!” Laughing, Gabriel dipped his head down and stole a kiss. The ease with which he did it threw Sam slightly. Gabriel didn’t act like this was something new between them.  He was acting like this was something that they’d done plenty of times – or something that he’d imagined plenty of times. Whatever it was, there was no hesitance or discomfort on his face when he brought his hands around from the back of Sam’s neck to cup his cheeks and hold him in place for a firmer kiss.

When he pulled back, he was smiling, but Sam watched as that smile faltered a little. Something of Sam’s shock at this whole thing must’ve been showing through. Gabriel didn’t pull back but he did go still. “This okay, sweetheart?”

Sam knew what he was asking. The way that Gabriel raised an eyebrow, the little twitch in his hands, the way that he was holding himself, all of it made it clear what he was asking. He wanted to know if Sam was okay with what he was doing. With how he was acting with him. Surprisingly, Sam had to admit that it _was_ okay. Even though it was different and knew and, in some ways, felt kind of fast, it also felt pretty damn good. Gabriel wasn’t pushing him on other things, as he’d proved this morning when he’d stopped them from going too far in bed. All this touching and kissing now didn’t feel like pressure to Sam. It just felt like someone who had been alone for far too long and who couldn’t quite help touching. That was definitely something that Sam could understand and respect.

“It’s fine.” Sam reassured him. And really, it was. It was more than fine. “I’m just, I’m still having a hard time processing all this, I guess.” His lips curved up in a half grin that held just a bit of bitterness to it that he couldn’t quite stop. “Life’s kind of taught me that if something seems too good to be true, it usually is.”

“I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. Not if I have any choice in it.”

They both knew, though, that he might not have a choice in it. A lot of this was going to depend on what happened when they returned home. They had no way of knowing for sure if the other Gabriel was still alive in Sam's world or not. If he was, then Sam would lose this Gabriel, lose everything that he held in his arms right now. The idea of that was devastating. It was also enough to keep Sam from really hoping.

He curled his arms around Gabriel's waist and sighed into the touch as the archangel wrapped arms around Sam was well. They had things to do, Sam knew, and important things to take care of. But for the moment it felt kind of perfect to just sit here with his face pressed against Gabriel's neck, memorizing every single inch of the being he held.

* * *

Eventually, the two did have to break apart. There were things that needed to be taken care of. None of which Sam could really help with, either. He got one last kiss from Gabriel and then the archangel headed out to go make his rounds and say his goodbyes, after which he'd go and grab Michael and bring him back here. They were going to do this today. No point in wasting time, especially not with what waited back home.

Sam was grateful for that. now that he knew he was going to go back home, the worry and urgency that had been sitting sort of low key in him was starting to grow and push forward again, almost strong enough to chase away his anxiety about everything else.

Almost.

Sam knew that he'd only worry if he just sat around and waited for Gabriel to get back. There were plenty of things for him to worry about, too. Plenty that his mind could pick apart and worry over. Better that he find something to distract himself with. Only, there was wasn't exactly much that Sam could think of to do. He wandered aimlessly from the kitchen and out into the rest of the bunker. It wasn't like he had clothes to pack or things like that.

No... But maybe he did have his own goodbyes to make. If they'd be welcome.

Sam chewed on his lip as he walked, wondering if it was a good idea to actually find the others in the bunker and try to say his goodbyes, or if maybe he should just avoid them. Castiel had been surprisingly okay with things before he'd gone after Dean. But Sam held no illusions that Dean was going to be any calmer than he'd been before. He'd made it clear how he felt about this and how much he disapproved. The last person he probably wanted to see was Sam.

Yet something seemed to be conspiring against Sam. Just as he made the decision to not go and find them, he rounded a corner and practically ran right into them.

“Woah!” Sam jerked back, bracing one hand on the wall to keep himself from stumbling.

Dean had jumped back as well just seconds before they would've collided. As he looked at Sam, his eyes flashed with something angry, something that Sam had seen there a few times when he and Dean were at their worst. It showed just how angry the older Winchester was with him and it had Sam taking an instinctive step back. But then it was gone just as quickly as it came and there was something else there now, something Sam couldn’t quite figure out.

Dean looked beyond Sam's shoulder like he was looking for something and then brought his eyes back to Sam's face. “Where's the short stack?”

Ah, that's what he'd been looking for. Sam straightened up and brought his hand in to straighten out his shirt, trying to pretend that he wasn't rubbing at the butterflies he felt in there. “He went to go take care of a few things. He said he'd grab Michael on his way back and meet up with us later on.”

A scowl twisted Dean's lips and he made a low 'hmph' sound. Then he looked up at Sam's face and opened his mouth as if to speak, only to snap it shut again. The air in the hall felt thick and Sam tried not to shift awkwardly under Dean's stare. The tension was thick enough between them you could've cut it with a knife. Despite how much he wanted to run away from it, or draw himself back, Sam held himself up straight under it and met Dean stare for stare even if it felt like one of the hardest things he'd ever done.

That thought made him want to laugh. He'd faced down monsters, demons - even Lucifer himself! Yet standing underneath that intense stare from his brother - even if it was an alternate version of his brother - was enough to make him feel like a kid again. One who had just done something wrong and was trying to hide it.

Eventually, Dean blew out a breath and shook his head, and the intensity of his gaze was gone when it landed on Sam again. “All right, all right.” The older Winchester huffed out a breath and his lips curved in a wry grin. “Turn off the freaking puppy eyes, dude. You're killing me here.”

Sam looked at him with surprise. “I wasn't...”

“You totally were. It only makes it worse that you didn't even realize it.” Dean interrupted. He was still smiling, though. “Look, I get it. I'm not happy with this whole situation, but I get it. Much as I want to, I can't blame you, either. I know Gabe well enough to know that no one makes him do anything he doesn’t wanna do. He wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't what he really wanted.”

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Sam said softly. He meant it, too. He hadn't wanted to end up breaking apart their family here.

Dean sighed and shook his head. “Not your fault, Sammy. Like I said, I can't blame you. I'll blame Gabe or this Meta-douche fucktard that sent you here. But,” He lifted a hand there, pointing one finger at Sm and fixing him with a firm stare. “You damn well better take care of that snarky little shit, you hear me? He's a pain in the ass, but he's family, an if I find out something happens to him I'll find a way over there just to kick your ass.”

The urge to smile had Sam's lips twitching. Valiantly, he fought it back. He didn't point out that Dean would have no way of knowing if anything happened to Gabriel, or even how to get to their universe seeing as how it was so difficult to get just Sam back there. Sam wisely didn't point out any of that. Instead, he just nodded. “You got it.”

“Good.” To Sam's surprise, Dean stepped away from the silent Castiel, who had watched this whole thing without saying a word, and he caught Sam up and yanked him forward, pulling him in for a tight hug that Sam easily returned. “You take care of you too, you hear me?”

“I hear you.”

“You better. Cause that threat goes both ways.” Pulling back, Dean held on to Sam's shoulder with one hand for a moment, watching his face. “I find out anything happens to you, too, an I'll come on over there and kick everyone's ass – other-me included.”

This time there was no way for Sam to hold back his smile. It stretched wide across his lips and he chuckled. “Got it.”

“All right.” Dean gave Sam’s shoulder one last squeeze and then dropped his hand. “C’mon, then. We probably got a bit of time before the trickster gets back here. Might as well make sure you’re fed before you go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again, all of you, for your kudos and comments!!!


	9. Chapter 9

Dean definitely made sure that Sam was well fed before Gabriel returned to them. He made them burgers – which were just as good as the ones that Sam's version of Dean could make – and he also added in some spiced fries that Sam practically drooled over. In true mother-hen mode, something that Dean would never admit to, the older Winchester stuffed Sam full while all the while trying to subtly make sure that he was okay and ready for this trip.

“You hit pretty hard when you landed here.” Dean said at one point. He was sitting across from Sam, eyeing him up and down with his eyebrows furrowed. “You sure you're gonna be okay landing there? From the sounds of it you can't exactly be outta commission over there.”

“I'm sure I'll be fine, Dean.” Sam reassured him.

“Bend your knees when you land – that always helps me when I go angel air.”

Sam hid his smile behind his cup of coffee. “I'll keep that in mind.”

“Don't be an idiot about letting Gabe heal you up, either. No point in hurting if he's right there with you.” Dean continued on. “Though, I don't know what he's mojo's gonna be like. Who knows how much it'll take outta him to do this. He'll probably try and hide it from you, too. He's an idiot like that. You'll be able to tell, though. If he doesn't snap up candy within five minutes just assume he's mojo's on low.”

It was getting harder and harder not to grin outright. Sam coughed, trying to use that to hide his urge to chuckle, which wasn't helped at all by the amused look he caught on Castiel's face. The two shared a brief look and Sam had to cough again just to hide the next laugh.

Unfortunately, that only had the effect of making Dean look even more worried. “I knew it.” He said flatly, expression hardening just the slightest bit. “I told you when you got here it sounded like you were coming down with something. You're getting sick.”

“I'm not sick, Dean...”

“Don't BS me. I've dealt with you for too long not to recognize a sick Sammy when I see one.” He reached his hand out like he was going to feel Sam's forehead, just like he'd done plenty of times when Sam was sick, and that was it. Sam lost it. His laughter echoed around the kitchen as he just gave in and let it free. His cup luckily made it onto the table so it wouldn't spill. One hand still holding it and the other holding his stomach, Sam just let himself laugh. It was the first time in a long, long time that he'd let himself go like that.

“What're you laughing at?” Dean demanded. His lips were twitching, though, like he couldn't quite resist it. “This is what I get for showing concern? Fine! You wanna go back there sick, go back sick, see if I care!”

The lower, huskier sound of Castiel's laughter mixed in with Sam's.

That was the scene that Gabriel returned to. He flew directly into the kitchen and landed on the table right at Sam's side. There was already a grin on his face and it grew when he looked down into Sam's laughing face. “Well aint that a pretty sight to see.” Turning, he looked at the still chuckling Castiel and then over to the slightly grumpy, slightly amused looking Dean. “What'd I miss?”

Dean gave the two still laughing a disgusted look. “Ignore them, they’re idiots.”

It was hard, but Sam fought to get his laughter under control, stifling it down until just a few snickers were slipping free. He leaned to the side and let himself rest against the side of Gabriel’s leg. Lifting amused eyes, he grinned up at the archangel. He could've said something or told Gabriel what was going on; he had a feeling the trickster would've had fun teasing Dean about his mother-henning. But Sam decided to be nice and pushed down the last of his chuckles. Then he tried to turn conversation to the important things.  “You get everything taken care of?”

Gabriel was smiling down at him, something fond and sweet warming his features. His smile had the corners of his eyes crinkling and Sam found it a rather endearing look. “Sure did.” Gabriel reached a hand out and brushed some of Sam's hair back from his face. “Made my rounds, said bye to the fam. Even popped in over with Sam for a bit and said bye to him and his girl. Then I took a quick jump up to Heaven and said my spiel there before I came back here.”

That last little bit was enough of a reminder of what was to come that it wiped away the last of Sam's laughter. He couldn't quite stop his eyes from darting around them room quickly. When he settled them back on Gabriel, they were narrowed a bit with confusion. “Michael?”

“Waiting outside.” Gabriel answered.

Sam felt a moment of gratitude. At least he'd get a second before he had to go out and deal with the archangel that he didn't want to see. It was a whole lot better than just having Michael sprung on him. “Thanks, Gabe.”

“Anytime, sweetheart.” Smiling, Gabriel bent forward and kissed the top of Sam's head. Then he straightened back up and looked around him at the remnants of their meal. “Looks like you guys had a good time while I was gone, at least. Everything taken care of here?”

Sam shared a look with Castiel and Dean, one last brief meeting of eyes, and then he nodded at Gabriel. “Yeah.”

“Then what say you we get on outside and get this show on the road, big guy?”

This was it. The moment that Sam had been both waiting for and dreading. It was time to get him home. Time to go out there and deal with one of the two beings in the world that he'd sworn he'd never deal with again, but who was his only real hope for getting home. Sam was going to have to deal with Michael if he wanted to be able to go back home. Only Gabriel's presence at his side made the idea bearable. Still, he had to keep it together. If he could make it through it, if he dealt with Michael and made it through this without embarrassing himself, he'd be back at home – with Gabriel. That is, if Gabriel made it too.

There were so many maybes and what-if's here. This was a giant, mixed up, dangerous mess, one that only had a fifty-fifty chance at ending up good for all parties – so, pretty much business as usual.

Sam drew in a breath to steady himself and he gathered up the courage that had gotten him through life. “Let's go.”

* * *

It was no real surprise that Dean and Castiel came with them. Sam had known that Dean wouldn't be able to let them do this alone. He'd have to be involved somehow. Even if it was just standing by to witness it. Honestly, Sam was kind of happy for his presence. Having Dean with him always relaxed him even just the slightest bit. Sam had been raised with – _by_ – his brother and, no matter what happened, he always associated his brother with a sense of safety in his mind. If Dean were there, things couldn’t get too bad. Dean would help him. They’d be each other’s backup. And woe betide anyone who was stupid enough to mess with Sam in front of Dean.

The minute they stepped outside the bunker Sam was looking around in search of the other archangel. He found him quickly. Seeing him, feeling the power of his grace that filled the air around him, had Sam stopping in his tracks. Unconsciously he clenched down on the hand that was holding his.

The vessel was different than the one Sam knew him in. Michael wasn’t wearing Adam. Who he was wearing, Sam had no idea, nor did he really care to look and try and figure it out. It wasn’t the physical body that held his attention. It’d never really mattered .What mattered was that _power –_ that grace. He would recognize the feel of it anywhere. Memories of _pain_ and _agony_ and _heat_ tried to rear their ugly heads.

Sam didn’t get a chance to do more than start to breathe heavily. The instant that he’d stopped, Gabriel stopped as well, and so did Dean and Castiel. Gabriel turned towards Sam and moved right into his space, keeping their hands laced together and using his free hand to reach up and catch the back of Sam’s neck, pulling his head down just enough that it forced Sam to look at him. “Hey, sweetheart, focus here on me. Not him – _me_.”

The power in the air seemed to shift a little and Sam felt as something different reached for him, strong but not as dangerous as Sam’s brain registered Michael’s grace as. This was Gabriel’s power – Gabriel’s grace. Sam didn’t have to be afraid of this.

He sighed into Gabriel’s touch and let the feel of Gabriel’s grace wrap around him and soothe down his frayed nerves. It cleared his head enough that he had room for ab it of embarrassment to seep in. A bit of color climbed into his cheeks. “Uh, sorry.” He gave Gabriel’s hand a squeeze and smiled in embarrassment. “So much for keeping calm.”

To his relief, Gabriel didn’t make a big moment of it. His mouth quirked up in a half-grin and he shrugged one shoulder. “Meh. You’re only human.”

Sam let out a low laugh. “You could make that sound less like a disease.”

“Picky, picky.” Giving Sam’s neck one last squeeze, Gabriel let go of him. The two of them straightened back up together. Then Gabriel grinned and tugged on Sam’s hand. “C’mon, oh mortal one. Let’s get cracking. Places to go, universes to travel, all that jazz.”

Beside Sam, Dean let out a snort and mumbled “ _Weirdo_ ” under his breath. Sam grinned, though. There was no denying that Gabriel was a weirdo. But, well, Sam thought that maybe a bit of Gabriel’s kind of weirdness was exactly what he needed in life.

Michael hadn’t moved at all during their little moment. He just stood there and waited patiently until they finally made their way to him. When Gabriel stopped, they were just a foot away from him. “All right, Mikey. We’re ready.”

“You are sure you want to do this, little brother?” Michael looked down at Gabriel, his expression serious and his eyes carrying a look of worry and love that Sam recognized. He’d seen it often enough in Dean’s eyes before.

Gabriel’s grin shifted into a smirk. “Yep!”

They looked at each other a moment more and then Michael turned to look at Sam. There was no way Sam could stop how he flinched back. “And you. You are willing for this? You wish to take my brother with you – take him from us?”

There was a noise of protest from Gabriel and most likely he would’ve had something to say there. However, Sam cut him off before he could, giving Gabriel’s hand a small warning squeeze. He kept his own eyes on Michael. “If you know Gabe at all, you know that no one makes him go anywhere he doesn’t want to go – or keeps him from going somewhere he wants to go. If he didn’t want to be here, he wouldn’t be.”

For a second the area around them was quiet. Then Michael surprised him by not only smiling, but chuckling as well. “That is true. All right, I need you two to be as close as possible for this. Gabriel, wrap yourself around the human to keep him safe. Samuel, you will need to hold on tight to Gabriel and keep your eyes closed.”

“It’s gonna get bright.” Gabriel warned him. He drew Sam in, letting go of his hand to wrap first one and then the other arm around Sam’s waist. Sam lifted his own arms in return and twined them around Gabriel’s neck. The small archangel looked up at him with so much open affection on his face it eased just a little more of Sam’s tension. He could feel Gabriel’s grace building, twining around him as well, and something else that he thought he might recognize, some kind of warmth and a strange sort of rustling. Gabriel stretched himself up, pressing a kiss against Sam’s jawline. “No matter what you feel, don’t open your eyes, sweetheart, and don’t let go.”

“Don’t let go, Jack.” Dean chimed in from the sidelines.

The Titanic reference had Sam laughing. He tilted his head to look at Dean, unable to keep from grinning, and was met with a grin in return. They didn’t say a word to one another but in that moment the look between them said plenty enough.

Castiel stepped up, one hand on Dean’s shoulder to draw him back. Most likely he was going to be sheltering Dean to keep him safe for this.

When Sam turned back, he met Gabriel’s eyes once more and gave a small nod. “Okay.” His arms tightened around Gabriel’s neck and Gabriel’s arms tightened around his waist. The two drew in even closer until their bodies were pressed tightly together and Gabriel’s head was pillowed against his chest. Sam steadied himself with one last breath and then lowered his head to rest his cheek against the top of Gabriel’s head. Whatever was about to happen, it had to be okay. Sam held on to that hope as he closed his eyes and tried to brace himself. It had to be okay. It was _going_ to be okay. They were going to make it. Gabe was going to make it.

Sam held on to that hope as he felt the power gathering in the air around him. He breathed in and the power was there, pushing on him, pressing him and Gabriel impossibly closer. Even through closed eyes Sam could see just how bright it was getting and he could hear something that sounded like screaming and sounded like music. Gabriel’s grace wrapped him up like a warm blanket as the light grew brighter and brighter.

That pressure that Sam had felt once before, the pressure so much more immense than any kind of angelic travel, pressed in on him and there was no more time to worry or wonder. With one last blinding flash, the whole world changed.

* * *

This time there was no hard crash to break Sam’s fall. One moment the world was shoving around them and then Sam was vaguely aware they were moving, _flying_ , and it was all so bright and so huge, but there was Gabriel there as well, holding him and keeping him together. The next instant everything came to a stop and where there’d been so much noise, now there was just silence.

With the light gone, Sam opened his eyes just a hair, just enough to take note of the fact that the world wasn’t lit by that impossible light anymore, and then he blinked them open more and saw that they were in what looked to be the same place as before – right outside the bunker – but there was no one here. It was just him and Gabriel.

Gabriel.

Sam jerked back to look down at the figure still wrapped tightly in his arms. Unfortunately, his movement only served to jostle the archangel. Sam was grateful he hadn’t let go because Gabriel ended up slumping forward against him, exhausted and barely able to keep his own feet – but _alive_. He was alive!

Sheer joy swamped Sam and he pulled Gabriel in as tight as he could. “Gabe.” It was the only thing he could think of to say. The only word that would get out. Yet he knew Gabriel would understand. The depth of emotion that Sam packed into just the archangel's name would be easily clear.

It took a second but he felt as Gabriel's arms tightened briefly around him. Gabriel hadn't let go but he wasn't clinging as tightly as he'd been before. His body was leaning heavily on Sam and his hold was more one of support than of keeping Sam together anymore. But even with his face buried against Sam's chest, it wasn't hard to hear his low murmur of “Told you we'd make it.”

Laughter tumbled from Sam and he didn't bother fighting it. He shifted his own arms, one going around Gabriel to keep him upright and his other hand going to Gabriel's hair, stroking the soft locks. Even as obviously drained as he was, Gabriel couldn’t resist getting in an 'I told you so'. “Yeah.” Sam said fondly. “Yeah, you did. So we're... we're here. This is really my world?”

He felt Gabriel shift a little and then nod. “Yeah. I can feel it. Heaven's shut down here. Unless there's another world like yours out there, then we made it.”

“And you're okay?” That was the next important thing. Now that Sam knew they were safely here, he could worry about that.

Again, Gabriel nodded. This time Sam felt it as he drew in a very human breath that he didn't really need. “Yeah. Drained almost to the max, but it's nothing a bit of rest won't fix up. That was a lot of mojo Mikey and I tossed out.”

The mention of just how much mojo it had been brought something else to Sam's attention and his whole body went tense. “Metatron...”

“Probably sensed it, but won't know what it is.” Gabriel pulled back from Sam a little, managing to at least stand better on his own two feet. He still held on to Sam and he still looked exhausted, but his eyes were mostly clear when they lifted to Sam's face. “I've got just enough to keep us shielded right now. But the sooner we get behind some wards the better. I need to rest up before dealing with that douche.”

There was no chance for Sam to say anything on that. Just when he opened his mouth to speak, the sound of a door snapping open came from behind them. Sam immediately spun, one hand reaching for a weapon he didn't even have on him – dammit, he should've come prepared with something! – only to stop when he saw just who was coming. Dean was striding out of the bunker's open door, a gun in hand and a glare on his face.

When he caught sight of Sam, he froze, his gun actually dropping down a little. “Sam?” Dean’s voice sounded stunned. Nowhere near as stunned as it did when he caught sight of who was with Sam, though. “ _Gabriel_?”

Sam smiled down at the smaller man in front of him and felt that little kernel of hope he’d been nursing grow into something warm and strong. The open affection in Gabriel’s eyes only added to it. Apparently they were going to get no time to just settle in. Relief and joy were bright in Sam and he knew Gabriel could see it all written there on his face. “You ready for this?” Sam asked teasingly.

“Oh, you better believe it, big boy.” The smirk that lit Gabriel’s face promised so much trouble, and so much fun – and Sam was more than ready for it.

As one, the two turned to face Dean, their hands once more finding each other. They would face this together, just like they would face everything else from now on.


End file.
